Luck of the Irish

I do have Irish in me. My grandmother's maiden name was McQuiston...that's pretty Irish. Today I had the luck of the Irish.

My check engine light has been on since June of last year. It goes off once in a blue moon. Texas is a vehicle state inspection state. You can't pass inspection with a check engine light on. Houston, we have a problem. What's a girl to do? Well, last night I went to see my friend David's house. Which by the way is beautiful; 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, huge kitchen, his closet is bigger than my bedroom...for real! Anyway, the engine light went out on my way down and stayed off the whole way home. My inspection is due this month so I raced over to a garage this morning to have the inspection done and as the guy is finishing up he calls me over. "Shit" was my first thought. But it was OK. He tells me my gas cap is bad and I need a new one and he just happened to have one for the low, low price of $12.50. Stacking em deep, and selling em cheap! Low and behold he doesn't have any in my size so I paid him the $39.95 for the inspection and left. As I'm leaving the damn check engine light comes back on. I just happen to have electrical tape in the car so I put some over the light, what you can't see you can't ding me for! I go get the cap and come back and hand it to him. He takes it out of the package and tested just it. Never got in the car again so the tape trick was unnecessary! He put the sticker on my windshield and I bolted! Guess what? The light went out a little later and is still off. Say a prayer and throw some Holy Water in my direction that it will stay out.

Second lucky item of the day: Since my ex refused to sign the damn divorce papers for so freaking long I had to file my taxes as "Married but separate" as the divorce wasn't final until January. Rat bastard! When you file that way you can't deduct your student loan interest and only one of you can itemize. I did my taxes online through the Turbo Tax site and it showed I owed over $2000. Big rat bastard! I called my former tax lady and asked her to work her magic. She did my taxes today and I am getting away with only owing $855! Woo Hoo! Way, way, way better than $2000 plus! Whew! She said my ex has called but hasn't come in yet so if I get mine mailed in first he won't be able to itemize as only one can do that when you file married but separate. I have already changed my filing status at work so should break even next year. Taxes suck! Beats living in a 3rd world county though...way better than that!

So, I've had a very lucky day! Hit a new low on the scale this morning too! The weight is coming off. I'm doing what Kirk told me to try. He lost 80+ pounds with this method so I'm using it to get the rest of my weight off. 30 minutes on the elliptical in the Weight Loss/Fat Burning zone 5 days a week. It's getting so easy but yet I sweat like a pig, my entire head is dripping sweat when I'm done but it feels so easy. He said it will raise my metabolism and burn fat. I actually have to slow myself down. Who'da thunk it? After 30 days he's going to give me some toning exercises to do as I am one giant marshmallow from losing so much weight. But I feel bones I haven't felt in years! It's totally cool!!

Life is Sweet!

"Before" and "New & Improved"

My beautiful older sister sent me her before and after pics today. She's lost 50 pounds and looks simply gorgeous! I am so proud of her. She will get a little heavy but then quickly reels it back in. Unlike me who got super-morbidly obese before I was able to reel it in.

She inspired me to post my own before and after pics. So here they are:

Before: one VERY unhappy woman-----------------------------------------------------------------------After: 142 pounds lighter!!!

.......................................

I was so upset someone was taking my picture in the before shot, I'm glad they did now as I have a comparison. I still have those jeans and can get both of my legs into one leg of them now! I am actually one size smaller now than I am in the after shot. I just donated those jeans to Good Will as they were falling off of me!

Only 28 pounds to go until my goal and hopefully I'll lose another 15 with the Tummy Tuck and then I'll be done. I'll still be a big girl but that's OK! As long as I'm not super-morbidly obese then life is good!

Life is sweet! (see why I say that all the time!)

Galveston, oh Galveston....

The Gulf of Mexico .......... and the Happy Couple!
Our first time together at Galveston!


Can't help but think of the Glen Campbell song when I say Galveston. Can't stand Glen Campbell but Galveston rocks! Kirk took me to Galveston this weekend. We had a WONDERFUL time! We walked on the beach but only for a few minutes as it was pretty darn windy and cold! I picked up a few sea shells as a memento of our first trip to Galveston. We walked The Strand hand-in-hand and then ate at Willie G's. I had oysters for the first time in my life and they were "off the chain"! Never, ever, ever, ever thought I would like them but....I did! Why would a slimy little raw fish taste good? But it did! When we got back to his house I picked up the Sunday paper and a headline caught my eye "Tainted Oysters in Texas". I said "Uh Oh" and he asked what was wrong. I read the article and turns out they were from San Antonio Bay and were shipped to Maryland so we were OK. We both got a good laugh out of it though. My first time eating oysters and I get sick...that would not have been fun and I guarantee I never would have eaten them again!

Life is Sweet!!

Ipod - Greatest Invention of All Time

I decided I wanted an Ipod last Christmas and was chatting with my sis as I was heading to Target to buy one. Just a Nano, nothing fancy when she tells me my niece is selling her 60GB video Ipod for $250. Hang up! Call Michelle....fast! Sold! I am now the proud owner of this sweet piece of electronic heaven! Never in my life have I enjoyed any material object more than this Ipod. Never! Hands down! No comparison!

Why you ask? Several reasons; #1) I love music! Always have. Always will. When my parents divorced my Mom would take a few dollars and go buy us one or two 45's on the weekends we were home with her and she would put them on and we'd dance in the living room. Those memories are precious to me. We were free. Free from the anger and abuse and underlying tension that my biological father brought to the house. We had so much fun. Music takes away pain, fear, darkness and brings light and freedom to my life. It can take me back in time or soothe me after a hard day! Music is off the chain! I have noticed that when I listen to music and keep the TV off I don't have problems with being depressed either. Major revelation.

#2) You can get ANY song you want on Itunes. Songs that I haven't listened to in years! I just downloaded "The Very Best of Kool & The Gang". Jungle Boogie, Celebration, Ladies Night! I had these songs on 33 1/3 LP's in high school and they are long gone! Now I have them again, right at my finger tips to listen to any time I want. I know everyone thinks the music they listened to in high school was the best.....humor me.....it really was. The music of the 70's was real. The artists performed, they truly played the instruments, they really sang. Not like today's stuff where the dude with his pants hanging half off his ass, holding his crotch, with a drum machine going and a dude high on weed scratches an LP in the back ground, shouts at you. Do you know why rap "artists" are so angry? They can't sing, that's why! That would piss me off too!

I currently have 1032 songs on my Ipod, 2.8 days worth of music, 257 photos, and 11 videos and still have 50.84 GB's of free space. This thing rocks! It goes where I go! In the car, in the house, in to work, to Kirk's. Everywhere! Speaking of, my love for the Ipod influenced him to buy one and he's enjoying it as much as I do! Sweet!

Ipod's are off the chain!

Life is Sweet!

P.S. Today is the 2 month anniversary of the day Kirk and I first met! He told me today that I am the love of his life. Guess what? He's mine too! I told my Mom a few years ago that my ex was the love of my life and she told me she thought to herself that I needed to raise my standards. I laugh, out loud, everytime I think of that! Mom's have a way of being right don't they! She truly was right. I did and look at me now! I gotta say it again: Life is Sweet!!!

Love

There is no feeling in the world like new love. Your feet don't touch the ground, the birds sing prettier, the sun shines brighter, you smile at strangers, your thoughts are consumed by the other person. You live and breathe to hear their voice, to feel their arms around you, just to see them makes your whole day better. When we are young we think that new love is what it will always feel like. Then we grow up. We get hurt. We let our walls build up. We get divorced. We add reinforcements to those walls. We get bitter. We guard our hearts. We don't love like we did pre hurt.

I don't know about you but I want to be able to love like that again. I think I'm pretty close to it this time because I know Kirk is not even close to the category that both of my ex's fall in. I am tying with all my might to look at him as Kirk; an incredible man. He truly is like no man I've ever loved before. I know you may think "yeah, yeah, sure, whatever, Lora!" But remember all the growth and change and pain I've been through. It wasn't all for naught! I truly have learned. I have my eyes wide open and feel I am a good judge of character....now!

I knew the day I married my ex that he was not the one for me. But not a lot of men were lining up to marry a 4oo pound woman so I did it. Sue me! He knew I was too good for him, those were his words not mine. I'll never doubt that he loved me as much as he could. He just didn't know how to deal with a woman like me; dreams, goals, intelligence, and a perseverance to obtain everything out of life that I can. He was happy sitting under a tree, drinking, barbecuing on a homemade grill while watching friends play cards. I want more out of life. I wanted symphonies, theater, travel, good wine, all night long conversation. Passion!

A good friend summed it up for me. He said to not feel bad about 2 failed marriages. He said they are the pre-games that got me ready for the SuperBowl! Kirk is my SuperBowl. I don't feel bad about them as I learned everything I could about love and life from them. They helped make me who I am today. I watched "Little Miss Sunshine" yesterday and there is a scene when the brother played by Steve Carrell is talking to the son played by Paul Dano and the son says he wants to sleep until high school is over because it sucks. The brother tells him that the best things come from suffering. I couldn't agree more. I am the best I can be today because of the suffering I endured in my life up to this point. I wouldn't change a thing! Even having to move in here with Kim has gotten me ready for Kirk. (NOTE: This has not been suffering. I've had more fun in the last 6 months than the rest of my life combined!!) Kim taught me about sushi and Central Market and good food and high class people (ref: "Doctors and Lawyers and Judges Oh My" post). Kirk took me for sushi in Houston a few weeks ago and as we were eating he said "I can't believe it. You like sushi and you know how to drive [aggressively]. You're the woman of my dreams." If not for Kim I would know nothing about sushi! Thanks, Girlfriend!

So, I'm trying to love like I have nothing to lose. It's hard but I want it more than I want to guard my heart. I want to experience all the joys of new love and if I keep those walls up it will not happen. Someone very dear to me told me she is struggling with a loss of love for her husband. She's been through so much pain in her life. So many disappointments and he has disappointed her in a big way. It makes me sad as she is awesome, she loves like no body else, she cares like no body else and he is an idiot to even let this happen. He needs to realize the jewel he has in her and do whatever he can to help her recapture those feelings. He will be a sorry man if he loses her. I want her to love him like it's a new love all over again. There's no feeling like it.

Life is Sweet!

P.S. Feeling much better and will be going to work tonight. Plans are in the works to see Kirk this weekend! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have I mentioned how incredible he is? :) I'm a lucky woman and he is a lucky man!

Two Things

#1) My name change will be legal on March 15th! Woo Hoo! Dropping the Flake....yeah! In more ways than one! haha

#2) Have you seen the Pedigree commercials where they show the dogs in the pound? "Hi, my name is Oliver. I'm a good dog. Just looking for a home." Oliver sticks his sweet little snout out of the chain link fence and looks all sad. WAHHHHH, they tear me up. Literally, make my heart break. Harley is loving it cause I pet him and tell him how much I love him everytime I see these freaking commercials. Glad I don't watch TV much anymore.

Life is Sweet!!!

P.S. Kirk is amazingly wonderful! Didn't get together this weekend as I was slammed by the flu bug. Spent the weekend in bed....that's what I had planned but not exactly what I had in mind! :)

Life Sucks....big ones!

Sometimes, no matter now great things are, you just have to say Life Sucks! Life sucks for me this weekend. This would have been the first time Kirk came to Dallas to see me and I had to go and get sick. Think I may have bronchitis again, or at the very least a touch of the flu...body aches, chest congestion, cough, runny nose...over all feel like shit. Crying doesn't help with the congestion either. I'm just sooooooooooooooooooo very disappointed. I can't help buy cry because I am so sad. I finally find the man of my dreams and then didn't get to see him last weekend and now this weekend too. I miss him deeply. The only way I can get over this is to remember that we'll have the rest of our lives together and in the grand scheme of things I'd rather miss one weekend with him than the rest of my life without him. Yep, he's that great!

Life sucks....big donkey ones!

17 miles....Holy Shit!

I started on an exercise routine back the first part of December. I'm trying to drop 50 pounds before my tummy tuck in May. Down 23 so far (142 total)! Woo Hoo. I joined a gym yesterday and did 45 minutes on the treadmill at an incline. I have a friend who is a body builder and he said that walking at an incline is better than running and will burn more calories with less impact to the joints. I lost the feeling in my legs for a few minutes afterwards and it felt like I was floating for the first few steps. Weird.

Then I get home and Kimberly asks if I want to ride the bikes! SURE!!! We load them up and go to White Rock Lake. It was a 17 mile ride! I did it! Me, formerly super-morbidly obese me! Rode a bicycle 17 miles! I'm really not too sore today, so all the walking I did prior to joining the gym must be working! Kirk told me to drink another protein shake before bed and I did. (Had 3 total for the day.) He said my body needs the added protein after all that training in one day. He also said to take Vitamin C & E. I had the C, going to get some E today. I think that is why I feel pretty good today. My baby is so smart!!! My whole body is changing shape. I feel bones I've not felt for years and years and years. Have sensitive areas I never knew were there...added bonus! And overall feel better than I have since I was a teenager. My energy level has doubled and I really think about something before I eat it. Who are you and what have you done with Lora?

I'll always be a big woman, no problem with that. I like my thickness. I think thick women are more attractive than thin women. Curves are a beautiful thing! But I can be healthy and curvy too! The only thing that wants a bone is a dog and he goes and buries it!

Life is Sweet!

Stupid Women

There is new GL at work. He is moving here from another state and his wife and kids are not down here yet. He told my partner and I that his wife cussed him out, called him every name in the book yesterday because....get this....he didn't send her any roses for Valentine's Day. WHAT?? He acted like this was perfectly acceptable behavior. WHY? His children witnessed the fit the wife threw. How do I know this? Because he was telling us what the oldest daughter said to her mother as she knew Dad had arranged for the flowers to be delivered. He said he sent them through FTD.com but they screwed up and didn't send them.

Here is my concern and hence the title of this post; why do women do stupid things like this? Of course stupid moves aren't resigned to just women. He is an idiot for allowing her to act this way. Never in a million years would I curse my husband or significant other out for NOT sending me roses on Valentine's Day, President's Day, Fourth of July. etc... Where is the respect? Is that how you want your daughters to treat their husbands when they grow up? It's just like women who whine and bitch because their husband is working? Get over yourself!

A very good friend of mine had a fit once because her husband had just gotten in from work and she asked him to go fill up her tank with gas. He refused as he was tired and she threw a fit. Keep in mind she had to drive past several gas stations on her way home from work and easily could have done it herself. Needless to say it wasn't long until he left her for another woman...probably one who knew how to pump gas. It's really not all that difficult.

I guess mutual respect is missing from relationships like that. I guess people think the world really does revolve around them. They will continue to be idiots. They will never be happy because guess what, Skippy, the world does NOT revolve around you! I don't even understand how anyone could think that that type of behaviour is acceptable; to act like that or accept it from someone you "love".

Kirk took me to eat sushi, he held me, he kissed me, he made me home-made pancakes from scratch - not a mix - yes from scratch, he treated me like a lady. We laughed we talked, we truly enjoyed each other's company. He loves me for who I am. I don't need a dozen roses, I have real love. My ex used to send me roses to work but was out with other women on the side. So you tell me which is better? A real man who treats a woman everyday like she is a gift or one who will thrown down $75 for some roses and then take her for granted everyday? I'll take the real man!

Speaking of Kirk, he is simply amazing. He takes my breath away, he makes my heart skip a beat when I hear his wonderful voice. I am truly blessed, he is truly blessed! We have found each other in this big old world. We were meant to be together.

Life is sweet!

Life is WONDERFUL!!

I'd say we look pretty happy, wouldn't you! His name is Kirk and he is sweet, caring, loving, gracious, a perfect gentleman, intelligent, educated, well-read, traveled,successful....AND he is an "I Love Lucy" fan...a match made in heaven if I do say so myself!

Name Change

I'm finally ready to take Daddy's name. It's been a long hard road but I know that he would be very proud of me. I've finally become the woman that he always knew I was inside. I just had to believe it for myself. Now I do. Now I'm ready to become a Mullen.

You know changing your name is a very a significant event. That's why it is typically only done when you marry. You identify yourself with a man, label yourself as being part of him, let go of your old identity. Make a statement to the world as to who you are. It's the same thing with changing my name now. I want to identify with Daddy. I know he wanted to give me his name when I was 10 but I didn't want it then. I was still too hung up on being a "Sanders" and claiming that pervert as my father that I wouldn't give Daddy a chance.

As the years have unfolded all the messages he instilled in me have been there. I may not have appeared to listen when he was lecturing me on #1) Get an education, or #39) Keep this dime between your knees [so you won't get pregnant and will always have a dime to call me to come pick you up if a boy tries to go too far], or #892) Don't have your stereo so loud, damn it! But really I was. My heart was storing it all. I slowly took the reins of my own life. I got the education, lost the dime, kept the stereo too loud, but mostly I listened. I still quote him. He had some great colloquialisms: "If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis." He was a Sargent remember!

He was with me when I graduated from college. I had one of his Military pins pinned hidden on my shirt so he could walk across the platform and accept my diploma with me. I wore his sweater to visit his grave so he could see that I finally lost the weight. He used to get so aggravated with Kim and I for stealing his clothes. Said the only thing we didn't take was his underwear! Hey, he had great taste! And now I'll take his name. I'll let the world know that the only man I feel is worthy to take his name is my Dad. He was an awesome man. Never once did he refer to me as his step-daughter. Never once. I miss him with all my heart.

So, Daddy, I know you are here and I know you know but I still want to say it, so here goes. I love you, I'm so very proud to be your daughter. I did listen and and I worked hard to get to where I am today; a college grad with a kick-ass job, a healthy weight, happy, intelligent, and confident. I know you are proud of me. I can feel it in my soul. Thank you for never giving up on me when most men would have walked away. I love you, Daddy. I miss you more than words can say. So, be paying attention because in a few weeks there will be one more Mullen under your wing.

Love you,
Lora Mullen

Holy Shit!

We're going to the Super Bowl Baby! Go Colts! I got a text from my daughter-in-law when the game ended and all it said was "Holy Shit!". I love that girl!

Thanks, Stace, for the pic. I robbed it from your blog!

P.S. My Sweetie is from Baltimore and not an Indy Colts fan...loyalty is such a hard thing! Sweetie/Colts/Sweetie/Colts......... what's a girl to do!

Music; Lover of my Soul

You know nothing speaks to my soul like music. I love it! I love to lay in the dark, turn the music so loud it fills the room, and then listen to the sound of each instrument and how they all work together to produce this amazing sound. My taste is very eclectic; Jazz, R&B, Country, Blues, Hip/Hop, Classical, etc. Don't care for Tejano, Folk, or Gansta Rap (to all the bitches and ho's, thank you God for giving me this talent...what's that all about?). Anyway, I have been on a download-o-rama with the Ipod. I LOVE that silly thing! It goes where I go! I downloaded one of the greatest dance songs ever (in my humble opinion) "She's a Bad Mama Jama" by Carl Carlton. Man, that song has got a great beat, at least my hips like it! I could dance to it for hours. Discovered the "Play Count" on Itunes and have played "Yeah" by Usher 116 times.....ummmm, do you think I like that song? My hips do, they move when it comes on!

Not jinxing my new thing here but heard "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascall Flatts on the radio the other day and it definitely made me think.....

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign, pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming true

Every long lost dream, lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lovers arms
This much I know, is true
That God blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you

It is an amazing song and so fitting for someone who's been through a divorce and then found the right one. It is exactly how I feel about my marriages, they were just learnings that helped point me in the right direction. My friend David commented on how confident I am, and the amazing caliber of man I have attracted as of late and what impressive resumes they have. Which is all well and good but what REALLY matters is how THE RIGHT ONE feels about me in his heart and vice versa. I am very excited about this coming weekend....which I refuse to comment any further on at this point. I am not overly superstious but not going to jinx anything by opening my big mouth too soon.

The point of the post is that music speaks to us on so many levels. It's great when you want to have fun and dance. It speaks to your heart when you're falling in love. And it helps you understand the broken road that the majority of us have traveled down a "time or two".

I know I keep saying it but.........LIFE IS SWEET!

New Beginnings

Life is funny sometimes. We see something we want, think it would be great for us, make our lives more rounded, would fit into our puzzle just right! We think we know what is best for us. Then God, in His infinite wisdom, has other plans. He gives us things to distract us while He gets the things He has for us in order. I thought the Detective, Everett, was it. I thought he was the one with potential. Now I think he was a distraction until someone MUCH better came along. Someone that fits my puzzle just perfectly. Someone to make me smile. Someone who has all things that make up my dream man and what I have wished and waited my whole life for. We shall see!

The possibilities are endless!

LIFE IS SWEET!

Can I Touch Your Nipple?

My roomie had a friend suggest a black internet dating site to me, so I signed up! Man do I have stories!

The first guy I met used to play for the KC Chiefs, he was a wide receiver #86, handsome. He writes now and is a personal trainer. Tall, very nice build. A little quirky but in a very good way! I like him! We are in touch but haven't had a second date. I met him on New Year's Eve, he wanted to bring in the New Year together but I had plans with my roomies so didn't cancel on them as who knows if anything would work out with this guy or not. We are forming a writing group so if nothing else he has reignited my interest in writing and I plan to complete my novel this year!

I was getting about 10-15 "flirt" messages a day. Some from Nigeria, South Carolina, etc. So, I changed my profile to say you have to be local or in Indy, with the exception being Military men as I will go to them if I like them enough. That slowed the traffic down somewhat. I was getting messages from young men, 21, 26, 32! What the heck am I supposed to do with a 21 year-old other than teach him a few things? Not my job. I need a man who knows what he is doing already! Then I get a message from a man that simply says "I wiill(sic) tear that ass up." Excuse me! Keep in mind I have quite a detailed profile as to what I am looking for, sex is not part of that profile. I also have 5 pictures of me so my size is not a shock to anyone, not that I am all that big anymore, keep in mind I am 5'11" so am already a big woman and I currently am in a size 22. Thick describes me well.

OK, I get a message from a man Saturday afternoon. He is a PhD, graduated from Oxford and Vanderbuilt Universities. He is a college professor, VERY educated, sent me a pic, not bad lookingin the pic, in real life he wasn't all that great at all, 5'10" tall, 44 years-old, divorced, 2 kids, lives in Waco. We decide to meet for dinner that night after talking on the phone. I get to the restaurant at the designated time. He gets there 30 minutes later! Strike 1! We eat, he has severe allergies and can't eat with his mouth closed as he can't breath through his nose. You know me! Strike 2! We leave as the restaurant closed and he doesn't even bother to hold the door for me. Strike 2 1/2! He asks if we can sit in my car to talk. I agree. We are talking and talking and things are going well. Then he makes a negative comment about homosexuals and I tell him my roommate is a Lesbian. He says she will try to turn me. Idiot! Then comes Strike #3!!! It was a big one. He reaches over to caress my cheek (on my face) and then out of left field says "Can I touch your nipple?" Now where in his though process did he think this would be an alright thing to ask me? Hello, moron! I should have said "Sure, if I can touch your postate with a cattle prod!" I was horrified. I said "NO, you can't and this date is over. Get out of my car." Just goes to show you that education does not make you smart!

I immediately chaged my profile by adding a note. Here it is: "OK, one more final note: I am not into casual sex which appears to be the goal of a lot of men on here. My body is a special gift and unless you are worthy I will not offer it to you. If you are looking for a quick lay then keep looking because you won't get it here. I am not a prude and am a very sexual woman but refuse to sleep with just anyone for the sake of having sex." Messages to me have SLOWED WAY DOWN!!!!!!!

I told my roomie about it and she said "And people think homesexual's are the sexual perverts. We have nothing on you straight people!"

I have met a very nice man on the site but don't want to jinx it so won't give any details. I think there might be some potential but it's too soon to make a call!

Stay tuned for more exciting news.................

Virgin Angelina

http://news.yahoo.com/photo/070105/480/wxs10301051909

Kate Kretz, a North Carolina artist, painted this picture of Angelia Jolie as the Virgin Mary. She titled it 'Blessed Art Thou'. In my humble opinion Kate has experienced a random act of genius! Brilliant woman, simply brilliant!

I love the fact Angelina is hoverinng over a Wal-Mart checkout. There is even a fat lady in line at Wal-Mart! Very realistic! Have you been to Wal-Mart lately, all the fat people shop there! I believe Kretz has summed up the assinine, white-trash mentality we have reduced ourselves too. I do believe Angelina is doing great things for the impoverished children of the world because she should. She has the financial resources to do so. She put her life where her mouth is and adopted children who otherwise wouldn't have had a life even remotely as blessed as they will as her children. But we as American's have raised her up to "Madonna" and I don't mean the cone-bra'd one, and she is not. She is doing what she should be, what we all should be, doing! Helping the poor and needy.

I love this painting!

The Preacher Formerly Know as Prince

Even though I was sick as a dog with bronchitis I still went to church Sunday. I went to brunch first with Kim, Kelly, their friends Ron and John, Kim's Mom Nancy, her friends Sherry and Trish. Trish was in charge of picking out the church as none of us attend one on a regular basis--(This is an important fact that you need to remember for later in the story.) Trish has been to some mega church with a branch in Downtown Dallas so we went there. Apparently they have branches in Grapevine, a few other Metroplex cities, as well as Miami.

We see a homeless family get turned away at the front door. Not good! We go on in and sit down and listen to the music, full band with brass and everything. Pretty good. The music is over and the preacher was beamed in via satelitte to a huge video screen at the front of the church. He looks like he just stepped off the set of either the Wiggles, the Teletubbies or possibly he was an understudy for the Joker in the latest Batman flick. He is wearing the biggest tie you've ever seen, it was clown proportion. His jacket is purple. He has to shop at Prince's garage sale! Not only is it purple, it's purple velvet, with....get this....a neon lime green lining that he showed us twice! YIKES!!! The basis of his sermon is the "Stairs of Heaven". Says that God carried Jesus down the stairs of heaven on Christmas morning and compared it to us being on a stair master but never getting anywhere. None of us got what he was trying to say. Anyway, the preacher formerly know as Prince is done and the video screen is raised into the ceiling as a dude who looks like he hasn't had a bath in a week or two is speaking in the mic telling us that we are going to light candles and that the person at the end of the row is the "Candle Captain". Trish was our Candle Captain. Trish wanted to leave then. Trish did. She bolted for the door and the rest of us followed. Nancy says to Kim "She can't leave. She's our Candle Captain." The lady on the other side of Kelly had no candle. Kelly was looking to me to give her a candle but with no Candle Captain we didn't have any. Kelly looked at the lady and apologized and bolted with the rest of us!

Trish is pretty upset over the homeless family so she has cornered a church member in the lobbby as Kelly went to get the car and is giving him the 3rd degree about why they would turn away a homeless family, with an infant I might add, on Christmas Eve. He says that they come there all the time and he told them where to go for help. Isn't a church where you are supposed to go for help? We though so! Anyway, we get in the car and Kim says "Trish, next year you're in charge of the jello mold. We don't care what flavor you bring either. You failed at picking out a church and shirked your duties as Candle Captain."

See why I am having such a great time! This group is a riot!!

Thumbin' on the Curb

Well, I did it. I kicked old Rog to the curb. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but he is not the guy for me and I knew it. The Top Ten list goes as follows:

10) Argues with me about everything. Even the fact that Peter is not a Gospel. It's not, I went to DBU, I know the Bible and it does not say The Gospel of Peter!
9) Never rode in his "good car".....not even once!
8) Never dressed up to take me out.....ever!
7) Never wears cologne....even though I told him how important it is to me.
6) Made me wait an hour and a half on our second date while he watched football and then "Cheaters" before we could go to dinner.
5) Told me to "hush". Excuse me! Do you know who you are talking to?
4) I will never be involved with a man who argues with me about everything....ever!
3) I will never be involved with a man who doesn't think I am worthy of the "good car"!
2) I will never be involved with a man who thinks "Cheaters" is more important than me.
And the #1 reason is.....
1) I will not settle for less than I want, deserve, or desire!

It was hard but I'm glad I did it. One of my best friends asked me if I was crazy when I told him how I was being treated. He said "Lora, this man is not of your caliber and you know it. Why are you wasting time with him? Do not settle because you don't have too. You're a very attractive woman, you're intelligent and this guy doesn't deserve you." I said that I know he is right and was just waiting till after Christmas because I didn't want to dump him before. My sister said if I waited until after Christmas it would seem like I was waiting for a gift and I agreed so that's why I did it today, which ironically is the 2 month anniversary of our 1st date.

I know there will be more. I know I'll get dumped too. I know it hurts but it's all part of finding the right one. I did have a date this weekend, however, my job messed that up! This guy plays jazz guitar and I was going to one of his gigs to listen to him play. I love jazz! I have to work Chritmas Eve, Sunday, and have to be there at 5:00 a.m. so it screws my Saturday night plans. I had to work Thanksgiving too. I am NOT a happy camper AT ALL!!!!!!!

I went out a few weeks ago with a Detective, he is georgeous, successful, very, very nice. I liked him a whole lot but he is a very busy man and apparently not that into me or else he would call. We'll see! I got hit on in the Sprint store Monday while waiting in line. The guy behind the counter got so pissed off at the guy that he snapped his fingers at him and said rather sternly "I need your attention just for a second." because he was too busy talking to me rather than pay attention to the worker. It happened twice! It was pretty funny, and I was very flattered! Of course all these men are black. The brothers love me! So, see why I don't have to settle for the "POS car", I can find plenty of men to take me out in the "good car"!

Anyway, I'm doing what's right for me. It feels good. A few years ago I would have settled for who would have me. Now it's who is worthy of me. My son, David, told me when I was home that he sees a confidence in me that he has never seen before. He said that he understands why I am getting so much attention from men because confidence is very attractive. Plus the fact that I make my own money, and don't want a husband! All good qualities that make me look even better! That statement meant all the world to me. I truly respect his opinion. He has turned out to be a wonderful man! He went on to say that even though his father is successfull that he doesn't have confidence and never will. So, I am finally who I wanted to be my whole life. I know I can do anything I want.... AND.....never settle for less!!!!!!

The Christmas Stocking

Mascara alert: You've been warned!

Last night I got home from having my hair done, which by the way she HOOKED ME UP! The hair is off the chain! The color is copper brown with golden highlights, sexy bangs that fall mid-cheek and the length is just touching my shoulders. She razor cut so the layers lay perfectly! She said I look like Kirsty Allen, I said "Great cause she is beautiful." Anyway, I digress.

Kim and Kelly were putting up the Christmas tree and Kelly says "Your stocking is at my house." and Kim says "Yeah, and the candy in it is the bomb, I've been stealing it. We hooked you up with the presents. You're going to have a great Christmas." And I just started to cry. I tried to hide it but couldn't. Kelly looks at me and says "Are you crying?" and Kim says "Yep, its the Christmas stocking." And I said "Yep that's it." She came over and hugged me and I told her "You just don't know what it means to me to have someone care about me. It's been so long that anyone cared enough about me to get me a Christmas Stocking. I am so blessed to have you both for friends. I love you guys so much, you've been so good to me and I'm so happy now. I know it's because of you guys." Kim said "We love you too. You're a part of this family now and always will be. My family (meaning her Mom and sister) love you, girl! You're stuck with us!" They are a hoot! I love them all.

Kelly didn't hug me but she was crying too. She gets freaked out over emotions and asked me if I was going to cry at Christmas too because she needs a warning ahead of time to prepare for it! She is a riot!

I have been so neglected for so long. I give to other people but don't get back, I gave and gave and gave to my ex and his family and got nothing back. Not even a thank you. There doesn't have to be a thing in that Christmas stocking and it couldn't mean any more to me than it does now! Just to know they care about me enough to want to get me a stocking to hang in their house means more than you can imagine. I guess it's just the symbolism of it. It says they care, that they love me, and that I am important to them. I matter! Everyone needs to know they matter. I know my kids love me but I feel like they love their father more. I know my mom loves me but she loves my younger sister more, and her sister-in-law, and her friends, and the neighbors, and the mailman..... My sister Kim loves me unconditionally and always will so she is not part of this equation. To know that someone who is not my family, does not share my bloodline, cares about me is a great feeling! I am overwhelmed. My cup runneth over.

Thanksgiving Blessings

I am so blessed that I feel like I am bragging to even say how happy I am! This Thanksgiving was wonderful. By any one elses measurements it would rate a 5 on a scale of 1-10 but it was a 10 for me. I worked the night before, got home at 3:30 a.m. in bed by 4:30 a.m., up at 10:00 to put in the broccoli casserole I made for the dinner and had to leave by 1:30 p.m. in order to get back to work that night. So what made it a 10 you ask? Happiness! That's it!

I was checking email and Kim walked in said "We have so much to be thankful for, girl." and I'll paraphrase what I said to her. I told her "I was thinking about how much I have to be thankful for and why I am so happy. I think a lot of it has to do with you and Kelly. You took me in when I had no where to go. You and Kelly have been so good to me. We laugh ALL the time and I have so much fun with you two. I honestly don't think I would be this happy right now if not for you and Kelly. I am so blessed to have you for a friend, Kim." Of course I was teary eyed. She hugged me. It was a Hallmark moment. She replied that it all started 7 years ago when we both took new positions in Verizon in the same department. They didn't have desks for us so we had to share a table in the training room for 6 weeks and really became good friends. She said "Maybe us being stuck in that training room for 6 weeks was to lead us to this time in our lives?" She went on to say that she is blessed to have me living here. How cool is that. I'm a permanent house guest and she's blessed to have me??? No way, I am blessed to be here.

So even though I had to go to work, was tired from lack of sleep, didn't get to eat dinner because it wasn't ready when I left, it was an incredible day! My life is so happy. I love life. I am deeply happy and satisfied with my life for the first time ever! It feels wonderful!!!!!!!!!!

I have a new friend too. His name is Roger and we've been seeing each other for a month now. He is a widower with 2 daughters, 14 & 11. I have yet to meet them as he is careful with letting women parade in and out of their lives, and I applaud him for it. So, life is good. He is a very good man, he is a Christian, tithes, prays, is very funny, and seems to really care about me. I am cautious as it's too soon for anything serious but it's nice to have a man who cares about me and what I think. He said "I know you are gun shy but give me a chance to prove myself to you." You gotta love a man who will say something like that. I have a few other irons in the fire so we'll see how they turn out. It's nice to play the field and have options. It's all strange to me. I think it's the confidence thing. I guess it's pretty attractive on me, I can't explain it any other way. I didn't get asked out on a weekly basis when I was married, or flirted with every time I left the house. It's happening now though! Kim and Kelly tease me and say I have pheromones shooting out my ass, but they only hit the Brothers! Imagine that! They laugh every time a black man talks to me or looks at me when we're out together. It is flattering and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

So, I am blessed. I am happy. I am thankful for my wonderful life!

Fun Sunday

Had a great time yesterday even thought the Colts lost to the Cowboys! I'll have to eat some crow at work Tuesday. Kelly and Kim came home and announced it was time to work in the yard. I really enjoy yard work and haven't done it for years! There was no reason to fight it at my old house. When there are 800 beer cans and old rusty barrels and junk motors sitting around why bother?

I mowed the front yard and Kim transplanted some flowers. She wanted a Rose of Sharon tree moved so we dug and dug and finally Mother Earth let us have the tree. It was a lot of work!! We took a break and went to Home Depot to buy a chain saw and grab some lunch. Kim has a tree in the side yard that needed to come down. It was about 10-12" in diameter and around 20' tall. Kelly is a bad mama jama with a chain saw. I saw a great "Funniest Home Videos" moment and grabbed the camcorder. Kelly cuts the tree down and then started to cut it into smaller pieces when the chain got stuck. She asks Kim to pick the tree up to release the chain. Kim looks up side her head and says with a great sense of indignation "I can't pick that fucking tree up. It weighs 400 pounds." Kim tries to pick it up and of course it doesn't budge. Kelly then looks at Kim again and says "Lift it right here." and points to a spot. Kim then breaks out laughing again and says "I can't pick this tree up." I caught it all on video and it is hysterical. We shall show it to family and friends on Thanksgiving! Kelly had a ball with the chainsaw! She cut down trees and stumps and stray branchs all afternoon! She mowed the back and then Kim and I replanted the tree. We were sore and tired but the yard looks great!

We had fun, I always have fun with those two. I am very blessed to have two such wonderful friends, I really am!

Bob the Dyslexic Penguin

My job can be trying at times, difficult at times, sometimes impossible; but NEVER boring! Friday night we had to stay 1 hour late in order to push more cartons out. We were all tired as we had to stay late the previous night too. I got a call about 11:30 p.m. that we had a transfer trailer so I called the Trainer to handle it. A little while later he calls me on the radio to say there was a Penguin in the trailer and it was scaring him. The guy is a riot anyway! So, I go down there and sure enough there is a 2 ft tall animated/lighted Christmas Penguin in the trailer. Apparently, the store sent it back because the lights on the top half didn't work. I gave him instructions on what to do with the other freight and then took off to handle other issues.

There is a teammember who is only 5 ft tall and has been given the nickname "Scooter" because he is so small and moves very quickly. A few minutes after I had left the trailer I hear the Trainer call over the radio "This Penguin is evil. It's scaring me." Someone answered him and asked "What penguine are you talking about?" and the Trainer says "It's just a penguin. It looks like Scooter in a suit!" I fell over laughing.

The story gets better! The Trainer clears the other freight from the trailer and put the penguin on top of the pallet of freight, secured it with some rubber bands and rode it around the Shipping Wing with a fork lift. Never boring!

Tyson hears all the banter about the Penguin and decided it should be the B2 Outbound Mascot! Done! One of the other GL's wants to see the Penguin so she comes down to the Shipping office and plugs it in. The poor things wings don't flap correctly! So Tyson calls our maintenance department to come down to the Shipping wing to discuss a PM (Preventative Maintenance). He says "What's wrong?" To which Tyson says " Lora needs to see you about a PM. It's not professional." and we hear "I'm scared." A few minutes later he walks into the shipping office and says "OK, what PM do you need done?" and I pointed at the penguin and said "Right here. Penguin maintenance." I crack me up! I decided we needed to give him a name and the other GL says we should name him "Bob". Tyson and I vote that down and then get back to work.

Tyson says something backwards on the radio about 2:30 a.m. and then apologized and said "Sorry, I'm dyslexic but I'm KO with it." We then proceeded to say everything backwards. "4-10" "Dyslexic's of the world untie." Etc, etc! Then, Tyson has a moment of brilliance. He calls me on the radio and says "You know what? We should name the penguine Bob because backwards or forwards, he's still Bob." So, Bob the Dyslexic Penguin was born!

I love my job!

Mid-Life Crisis

Apparently I am going through a mid-life crisis, or at least that's what my Mother said! ARGH!! Now a boob job, a convertible, and a 20 year-old boyfriend would qualify me for a mid-life crisis but just having fun and being myself hardly justifies that label. She infuriates me! When I'm gone I forget her meddlesome, mean ways but when I'm there I hear all the cutting, sarcastic comments, and the lies and then it all comes back to me. So, I shall go back to being closed mouth and not telling her anything. Works better for me that way. She told me she hoped I didn't marry another black man because all black people stink, they smell vinegary. Really? Didn't know that. Apparently my entire house stunk! Really? Didn't know that either. She also asked if Kim and Kelly were turning me gay. Nope, not yet but they are working on it. If they do they'll get the toaster oven. I've seen it at the meetings and it's a really nice one too! Bet she'd love to have me bring a black man home instead of a white woman any day!

OK on to the fun part of my trip!.....Here are pics of my granddaughters. I'll post more of the other kids too when I get them downloaded, these came off my camera phone. They are just the cutest babies in the world. Mary is 2 and Emily is 3 months now! I do love my babies! They are so precious and it was so good to see them. I had a great time seeing them, playing with them, and holding them. They grow so quickly! They both make my heart swell until it feels like it will pop out of my chest.








So, I guess they have a Granny in a mid-life crisis! How funny is that! My BFF said it best "Good girls go to heaven, Bad girls go everywhere!"

Speaking of that.....my date went well. He is a very nice man, going to see him again Sunday and see if there is any spark. Not looking for anything serious as it would interfere with the fun I'm having at the moment. I was tied down for too long to not go out and enjoy all life has to offer!

I'm getting a big head over all this attention. I went to work last night and got so much love. The guys were so happy I was back. One actually had tears of joy! Little overboard if you ask me, but still it's flattering. He's my NSSA (Not So Secret Admirer), Anthony. Never had anyone cry tears of joy to see me, ever! I'm just his boss too. Strange. Anyway, it is good to be back. I really did miss everyone. Still in a dilemma as to whether to move back to Indy or not. I still hate Indy just as much as I did last Spring. But still love my family as much as I did last Spring. Selfish of me to not want to go but I don't. I wish they would move here....super selfish! Except for my Mother, she can keep her behind there. She exhausts me.

Hottie....me?

Life just gets better everyday! I was driving to work today, minding my own business when this beautiful black man driving a BMW 535i passes me on Hwy 67 in Cedar Hill. I was chatting with my Mom on the cell phone and looked over at him and smiled. Innocent enough, right? You know I love black men and he was good looking. Well, he pulls in front of me and slows down so I pull back into the fast lane and pass him. As I get even with him he speeds up so I look over at him and he is smiling at me....so....I smile back. He waves. I wave. He motions for me to pull over and I give him the thumbs up. I mean it's a beautiful man in a BMW 535i...my Momma didn't raise no fool. We pull off the Hwy and into the parking lot of all places...Target! He pulls into a parking spot and I pull in the opposite way as neither one of us are going to get out of the car.

We say "Hi" and are both kind of freaked out over the whole thing. I told him I've never met anyone on the highway and he says the same thing. His name is Louis Butler and he is an Electrical Engineer or something like that, I was kinda nervous so don't remember exactly what he said. He is divorced and say he didn't think he had "it" anymore. I said "well I guess you do cause you caught my attention" and he said the same for me. I looked like shit today. No make-up, bad hair day, I'm wearing a man's long sleeve plain gray Hane's t-shirt. He'll flip when he sees me in make-up, with the hair done and nice clothes on. Anyway, we exchanged phone #'s and as soon as we got back on the service road my phone rings. I guess he was checking to see if I gave him my real phone #. I'm supposed to call him tomorrow when I wake up.

He looks like he is a big man, probably tall, and was wearing a very nice dress shirt, tie, and some pretty cuff links. Business man obviously. His appearance is my type. We'll see if the personality is too.

So, I've been in a great mood. Lovely weekend, had loads of fun and then start the week by getting a date on the Highway! What is next?

Footnote: I told my Mom "Some guy is flirting with me on the Highway. Oh my gosh, he wants me to pull over!"
Mom: "Don't you dare. You keep going. He could be crazy and cut your head off."
Me: "Of course I wouldn't stop. Do you think I'm crazy?"
Mom: "I mean it. You keep going young lady."
Me: "Oops, got another call. Let me call you back in a minute."
The rest is history.................

Doctors and Lawyers and Judges...Oh My!

I can't tell you how different my life is since I moved out. It's almost the polar opposite. When I was with the ex all we did was go to rodeo's or trail rides, never anywhere you couldn't take a horse with you. Occassionally he would take me to dinner and a movie but it was rare, very rare. The people that attended these events were uneducated for the most part, live very simple lives, don't read or go to movies, theater, or travel. Boring. It was very hard for me to enjoy myself as those I connected with were few and far between.

Last night I went to a party with Kim and Kelly. It was at one of their friends homes, Roberto, who is a lawyer. There were other lawyer's there, also judges who are running for local benches, and doctors. The crowd was very diverse; Plano (Carmel like for you Hoosier's) housewives, gay's and straights. I talked with a gay man who was just adorable. I complimented him on his beautiful hair and he proceeded to tell me about his life; his coming out to his devoutely Christian parents who still won't talk to him many years later, how he had helped other people that were his same faith; Jehovah Witness deal with their own homosexuality, and how happy he is now. He has beautiful eyes, very soulful and the kind of eyes that let you see into his soul. He is a great person. I never would have met someone like him in my former life.

Kim and I were getting drunk, apparently I've been healed of my alcohol allergy PRAISE THE LORD!!! Anyway, we saw these 2 georgeous black men in the corner of the kitchen and Kim commented on how nice looking they were and I said "Yes, they are some beautiful men!!!" and we all know I love me some black men! Kim replied "Let's go tell them!" and we did! We ended up talking to them for hours. Their names are Cordell and Stan. They are great. Cordell is a riot. He had on a great shirt, he called it his "Dating Game" shirt because it looked like the set of the Dating Game with the big 60's style flowers. We danced to a Latin song and laughed. He said Stan just lost his job and I told him we are hiring Exec's at my job all the time. Cordell said Stan would be interested and gave me his business card so I could email him. I looked at the card and saw that Cordell is a Doctor, not just a Doctor, but a Surgeon. I'd been dancing, laughing, talking with a Doctor like it was no big deal. Had I known he was a Doctor I never would have been myself. Kim had taught me that they are people and crap just like the rest of us, to quote her. She is right. She is comfortable rubbing elbows with millionairs as she is with the average joe.

I emailed Cordell today about the job for Stan and this was his reply:

Something told me that you would jump on this today, and you know I was hoping you would. You are an incredible person, and it is your spirit that sets you way up there (in my opinion), which was easily detected. Thanks for being genuine with this.

Wow, is that not a great reply. I'm just trying to help his friend get a job, and haven't told him yet that I will get a $1000 bonus if Stan gets hired so I'm far from Mother Teresa. But this is just one more confirmation that I'm making the right changes and being the person I want to be!

I'm learning a lot. I'm expanding my cirlce. I'm meeting some wonderful people. I'm moving in a completely different circle than I ever have before. I feel comfortable too which is the most amazing part of it all. I've finally stepped into the life I've longed for for so long. One of my best friends called me today and I told him all about it. He told me that I am an attractive woman and very desirable. He said that there are men out there that also run in these circles who will see all I have to offer and that I don't have to settle for ghetto ass idiots ever again. I know that he is right. I am loving my life right now. A part of me is going to miss Texas now that I'm getting this new wonderful life. I'll miss my friend David, Kim and Kelly the most. They have been there for me like no one else through this transition in my life. Kelly said that she and Kim were talking about how happy I seem now. I am. I know I'll have my family in Indy, my precious granddaughters and that's the #1 priority in my life. I'll have to make new friends when I get up there and expand my circle some more. I know how to do it now. I refuse to settle for less.

Life has too much to offer to not go out and grab all you can get. No one has to settle for crumbs....unless they want to.

Cell Phones

If you have a cell phone, and unless you are 2 weeks-old or just landed on this planet, you probably do, take a minute and write down every phone # in it. I dropped mine yesterday on the ceramic tile in the kitchen and the ceramic tile won. My phone is now in 2 pieces. I can use it with the speaker phone function only; the display part is gone and so are all my phone #'s with it. I have no idea what anyone's phone # is. I kept thinking I would write them down somewhere and never did. I have a ghetto phone now. Imagine having only 1/2 a working phone! How embarassing is that! It will still call 911 so that's all I need for now.

So, until I get a new phone I'm screwed. I went to Nextel yesterday and the cheapo model is $50. I can get a nice one if I am willing to wait for the $150 rebate to kick in so I chose to wait until payday, just 8 more days, and get a nice one. Nextel can download all my info from the old phone into the new one so I'll have the #'s again.....in 8 days! I'll acutally have a camera phone now so can take pics of my sweet grandbabies and have their faces pop up when their parents call me. Cool!

My next stop will be Target to get a new address/phone book! Lessons learned!

Side bar note: There is a guy who works for me that loves him some Lora. I had my hair cut, highlighted and colored over the weekend. Came out pretty red which is not what I wanted. I said lighter, meaning from dark brown to light brown, and she went red. Anyway, the conversation with him goes like this:

Anthony :"I really like your hair.
Lora: "I didn't want red. I said 'lighter' not red.
Anthony: "Oh, no! I almost went to speaking in tongues when you walked into Start-Up meeting today."
Lora: "Really? I don't really like the red."
Anthony: "Mmmmm Hmmmmm, oh yeah, the red looks good, real good."
Lora: (laughing) "You're good for my ego, Anthony."

He is my biggest fan. The poor guy has a wife who doesn't appreciate him. She is nuts. She cut up his badge when she thought he didn't come to work because HR screwed up his paycheck and shorted him a day's pay. She calls with "emergencies" all the time, at least every other week, but he is a good Christian man and won't leave her. I don't want him to leave her, not for me anyway, as I would NEVER want a relationship with any of the hourly employees at work. But he is good for my ego and he says he loves working for me. So we're both happy.

I'm Coming Home

I bought Lionel Richie's newest CD last week and there is a song on it that describes my life perfectly. I've been through so many changes and have wanted to go home for so long. I never should have left in the first place. But I've taken this time away to learn about who I am and how to be a better mother, sister, daughter, Aunt, Grandmother, and person. I'm coming back as whole as I can be, and we all know that when you are whole, you have a whole lot more to give. I can be all I am supposed to be now. I can offer the guidance and support my family needs from me because I have a well to draw from. I've learned so much about life and living. I know that my family is the most important thing in my life. I love each and every one of them, just as they are, with all my heart. Houses, cars, material things don't matter; what matters is family. Family is what goes on forever, when we are gone it's our family that carries us on with them. They keep up alive in their hearts, in their memories of us, in our belongings that they cherish. I can't wait to be home with my family. In just a few more months I'm coming home.

As I was tooling down the road this song came on the CD player and it was so life affirming for me. From Lionel Richie of all people! Who'd have thunk it! Here are the words to "my song":

I'm Coming Home

Looking back
I can see the things I should have done, could have done
I see so much of my life I let go by
But when you're young all you know how to do is run

Life can play tricks sometimes you know
You think you've got everything when you've got nothing at all
The only way you know where you're going
Sometimes you gotta take a fall, you gotta lose it all

I've been thru love
I'm coming home
I've been thru some pain I know
I'm coming home
Changes in my life
I'm coming home
Now I know what's meaningful

Looking back
I hear my family calling me
All my friends and loves, I passed them by
They wanted me to stay, but I was on a journey

I got so many faces, there are so many stories I know
When I open my eyes, I have to realize
There's only one place to go and this time I'm sure

I've been thru love
I'm coming home
I've been thru some pain I know
I'm coming home
Changes in my life
I'm coming home
Now I know what's meaningful
I'm coming home

For all the things that I've been thru
There's only one thing left to do
This time I'm going to get it right

(Repeat Chorus)

Now I understand what's meaningful

I'm coming home
So much love
I'm coming home
Pain I know
I'm coming home
I've had some changes in my life
Now I know what's meaningful
What's beautiful
I'm coming home

Smack Down

You know it seems that when you reach that moment of happiness something inevitably comes along and knocks you back down to the pits again....kind of like a WWF smack down. I don't understand why it is that the people in this life who suck the life out of everyone around thrive, when those who give freely of themselves; emotionally, spiritually, and financially, end up drained of their very will to live at times.

I have a friend who is also going through a divorce and their soon-to-be-ex-spouse is sitting on their ass doing nothing except keeping their hand out asking for more and more and most likely they will get it. Same thing in my situation. I've given my soon-to-be-ex everything; the house that I kept in like new condition by cleaning it all by myself these past 8 years, his $30K truck, all 4 horses, the flatbed trailer, all the furniture that I PAID for, the $3,000 lawn tractor that I PAID for, and practically everything in the house and yet he wants more. He wants me to pay to get the land in his name and then he'll have about $60K equity when it's all said and done. What do I get? A dresser and chest that I brought into the marriage that belonged to my son since he was 2 years old. A cedar chest that belonged to my Grandmother, and a curio cabinet that I paid for. Oh, and a chair my Mother reupholstered for me and some miscellaneous stuff. I basically am starting over. Yet I am not the one who cheated, who treated him like shit for 12 1/2 years, who never had his back, who never put him first, EVER. Yet, I am getting the smack down. WHY? I guess that's the $60,000 question.

I did get Harley. He's the best thing out of that marriage! I have let him start sleeping with me and the last 3 nights he has gotten up in the bed and I spread his towel out as I can't stand dog hair in the bed. He sits on the towel and has a pleading look on his face and then slowly, one leg at a time creeps over and curls up against me. It's the cutest thing ever! I've been covering him up and going to sleep with my hand on him. He stays right next to me the entire night. It's like he knows my heart is heavy and is saying "It's OK, Mama. I love you." He is my Boo! Dogs have an amazing capacity to love unconditionally and yet want so little in return.

So, for a quick minute I was really happy. Things were great. Life was good. Now I'm back down to reality. The happiness I had for a minute has been snatched from me. I've been robbed of a wonderful thing by something my ex did. He is going on and for the rest of my life I have to deal with something that I can never, ever escape. It will cloud everything and has robbed me of my freedom in many ways. He won't care and will be as stupid with the next victims in his life as he was with me. I pity him. I pity the poor woman who is so lacking is self-worth that she will put up with his shit while he manipulates the hell out of her ass to get what he wants....and he will get what he wants; he always does.

It's people like him that take a person like me, and my friend, and turn us into bitter people. But we are both good people and will not let that happen. I can never be heartless, I can't be mean, I can't be selfish. I want to love again, I want to give 100% of myself to my next relationship. I can't let my ex continue to rob me, and if I don't give 100% to my next relationship then I will have let him continue to control my life. I am better than that. I look at a picture of me that was taken when I was about 5. I carry it in my Daytimer and when life is hard I look at that sweet little face with those deep brown eyes and that innocent little smile and I say "I'm going to take care of you, girl." Because if I don't then no one else will. I owe it to her. I owe it to her to not let the bad people win.

Life is Good!!

I'm really starting to settle into my new single life and it's pretty darn good! My list of responsibilities has reduced considerably. I have 1/3rd the laundry, you'd think it would be 1/2 but it's not! No complaining here! I have 1/10th the dishes because I don't cook; back to my Wine Cooler and Wheat Thin's dinner pattern, however due to my alcohol allergy I am now drinking Ace's Perry Cider instead of the wine cooler. I must admit that Kim and Kelly do cook and always share with me. Man, do they ever cook good stuff too; last night Kelly made "California Chicken", it was a chicken breast sauteed in some spices, covered with a slice of Swiss cheese and fresh avocado slices, and a salad with feta cheese, olives, wasabi peas, sun dried tomatoes, and croutons. DELICIOUS!! They eat like that all the time. The night before it was grilled red fish and oven roasted zucchini with fresh garlic and shredded Parmesan. See what I mean! They spend most of their time at Kelly's house so I don't really see them more than 2 days out of the week anyway. Kim and I are having a maid come in on the weekends now so I won't have to clean anymore either! SWEET! I've never had a maid before! Now you know why I've titled this post "Life is Good!!" cause......IT IS!!!!!!!!

I've already started shopping online for things for my new house, so my eyes are set on the future. It will be at least a year from now before I start shopping for a house but I want to know in advance what I want for it and will know what to save and what to expect rather than walk into it blind. I have my eye on the kind of washer and dryer I want, I've already picked out my new flatware and dishes at Crate and barrel. I have the bedroom suite waiting at Ashley Furniture, the comforter set is also at Crate and Barrel. I've been a busy girl! All this stuff and I haven't spent a dime.

I think the most, no, I know the most, important change I've made is in myself. I may not know everything I want from my next relationship but I do know what I don't want. That in itself is a major discovery. It took me a long time to get to this point in life but I really like who I am and know what I want. It will be a long time before I am ready for another relationship because I have too much I want to do first. I want my Master's degree, that is of the utmost importance to me. I want to write that book I've been talking about my entire life. And I want to own my own house. Then I'll have time for Mr. Right. I want to be a on my own for a while. I'm not afraid to be single and am going to enjoy every moment of it. Not saying I won't date every now and then but I'm not up for anything serious or heavy for a long, long time.

I'm so happy right now that my feet are barely touching the ground! Reminds me of a cartoon my sister gave me once. It had a drawing of two women talking and the caption reads: "I just lost 175 pounds of useless flab." The other woman says "Did you go on a diet?" and the first woman says "No, I got a divorce."

One more divorce joke:

A perfect greeting card for your ex: front of card would say: "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...". Then you open the card and it says: "that you're not here to ruin it for me."

I am 47% white

I took a test to tell how "White" I am! Here are my results. There is a link at the bottom of the page if you want to take it too! See why I like black men, I'm less than 1/2 white! :)

Middle Man You are 47% White

Ok so you did pretty good on the test. Your score says you appreciate different cultures, but you cant hide your true self. Just like the pic, you roll with the cool crowd, but you still go home to your mommy and eat macaroni and cheese.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on whiteness

Link: The How White Are You Test written by alleyandbrandon on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Update on Mom

Mom is still in the hospital and may get to go home tomorrow. Turns out it was the change of BP medicine that caused her BP to shoot through the roof and the subsequent lack of oxygen to her brain. She sounds OK on the phone but Robin says she is getting tired very easily, just a shower wore her out.

She must be feeling better as she was thinking about fixing me up with her doctor. He is 6'3", impeccably dressed, no wedding ring, and African-American. She knows I love me some black men, and a DOCTOR too! I told her to send Robin back to the house to get a really good picture of me she keeps in her office and be sure to tell him I've dropped 100 pounds since it was taken! Mom is a riot!

Robin will be staying with her as long as necessary. I'll be going up in a few weeks to spend a few days with her. Don't know if Kim is planning on spending any time with her or not. I hope she will be OK and not have any lasting repercussions from this.

My Uncle Ronnie has done terrific and will get to go home early next week. He had a quadruple bypass but was in good overall health to start so is making an extraordinarily fast recovery.

This is a picture of Mom and Uncle Ronnie's wife, Aunt Becky.

Cats & Dogs

OK, another boring self-discovery story for you! I feel like an Amway distributor that just got started and is trying to tell everyone she knows about this fantastic new household cleaner that your life is not complete without. 'OK, you love it but the rest of us are bored out of our minds. So, shut up already!' I am FINALLY figuring out who I am and it's pretty darn cool to go through such a period of growth admist all the turmoil and chaos in my life.

A friend asked me what is more dangerous, a pit bull or a house cat? I chose the pit bull because they are known to attack and kill people all the time. Wrong answer. He says that it's the cat. Why you may ask? Think about it. You can stop a dog, once you grab one of his legs and hold him up he's done. Try that with a cat and you'll look like you were put in a paper shredder. Dogs are easier to fend off. They have more ways to be stopped and then are rendered harmless. Where cats are intelligent and don't get too upset over things but when they attack you know you've been attacked. The dog will come at the cat, barking, snarling, growling and the cat runs up in a tree and looks at the dog "Stupid dog!", and takes a nap until the dog wears itself out and goes on.

I am the cat and my ex is the dog. He is all bark. He is snarling, and growling. He has no idea who he is dealing with. I can take him down with one swipe and he's too busy making noise to realize it. He is truly a dog, he ran around sniffing bitches asses and peeing on stuff to mark his territory because he could. I sat in the tree and watched and when I had enough I took my shit and left. Now he's licking his wounds and I'm safe and sound and have a great future.

My friend also told me something that makes a lot of sense. He said "Don't stress the small shit..it only stinks but it won't kill you. Instead worry about the elements that surround you that can take your life. Once you look at it that way you don't get so fucked up in the head about the small shit and it becomes less taxing." Profound, simple yet profound. I have been stressing over my ex well guess what? The enlightened cat doesn't care anymore. He's a big boy and can take care of himself. He made the decision he made on his own. So I made mine based on the need for self-preservation. No, actually for self-growth and to let my spirit soar to new heights. I want so much out of life and I'm the only one who has been holding me back.

Today is my oldest son's 28th birthday. I called him to wish him a 'Happy Birthday' and he asked about his grandma and then said he's been so focused on her that he has forgotten to ask how I am doing. He said "I am afraid that you are to the point where you will start feeling sorry for him and think that maybe he really didn't cheat on you. You'll think 'I didn't catch him in the act so maybe he didn't.' and I don't want you to do that. Your marriage has always been so one sided. He has always done what he wanted with no regard for you. I don't want you to go back to him, Mom." I promised him I am not going back. To hear him say those things to me was so heart warming. He is such a good son and I am so blessed to have him.

I am really beginning to experience true joy that comes from being free. I am free to go where I want, do what I want, and say what I want. I will NEVER be under the thumb of another man again. Kimberly said something to me Friday morning that was very profound. She said "Lora, God didn't give you the intelligence He did (she says I'm the most intelligent person she's ever known~I told her to increase her circle) without having a greater purpose for your life. He has something big in store for you. Satan knows it and that's why he started messing with you so early in your life (I was molested by my biological father from the age of 2 or 3 until I was 10). He keeps throwing these distractions at you to keep you from being all you can be and you let him get away with it. Stop focusing on the shit in the middle of the floor and look at the big picture."

So, you can see that I have some very insightful people on 'Team Lora'. Great friends who are here to support me every step of the way. Helping me be all I can be, helping me see that I am the one who's had ahold of the reins. It's time for me to drop the reins and soar! I look at the people who are my friends and I am so impressed by their caliber. They are so intelligent and are geniunely great people with hearts of gold. I used to feel like I was an imposter who just happened to slip into this elite group. Now I know that I belong with them because like attracts like.

Life is good!

Sweet Mama Sita

My Mom may have had a stroke this morning. She is in the hospital right now. They ran an EKG and a CAT scan and both came back normal so that is good. She said she kept dropping things this morning like the toothpaste and then the phone. Then her foot went numb and then her face. She had a stroke at the age of 36 and these were the same symptoms. Her only sibling, her brother Ron, is scheduled to undergo a heart bypass operation tomorrow. So that combined with my mess was more than she can take. Her cruise was NOT relaxing and I think the stress buildup was more than she can handle. She called my sister, Kim, and told her how much she loved her and how proud she is of her last week. It was a call out of the blue and set off some bells and whistles for Kim anyway. So that has us pretty scared. People do things like that right before my leave this life. If I lost my mother I would be lost. I talk to her everyday, some times twice a day. She is my soft place to fall. I started calling her Mama Sita when I was in high school and it stuck. We all call her that now. I was at a friends house and she had a Christmas album playing and it had a Spanish song that went "Mama Sita where is Santa Clause, oh where is Santa Clause? It's Christmas Eve." So I went home singing it and began to call her Mama Sita. She is a sweet mother. She's always been there for us, she has her moments, but for the most part you couldn't ask for a better mother. I adore her and lean on her and always have. If she has some effects from this then it will be her turn to lean on me and I'll be there for her; every minute of every day because she is my Sweet Mama Sita.

I talked to my sister a little while ago and Mom is in the clear. They changed her blood pressure medicine and that could be what caused this. They are going to let her go home tomorrow. My little sister is flying in to stay with Mom and keep an eye on her for a while. This is some scary stuff. We already lost our Dad and it's too soon to lose our Mom. Please pray for her.

The Truth

Written: Thu, June 14, 2006 11:57 PM

Sometimes in life someone will tell you the truth. The old saying “the truth hurts” is true. But a true friend will tell you the truth at the risk of hurting your feelings if they feel that the outcome will make you a better person. Last night a true friend told me the truth.

In a nutshell he told me to develop some balls and get some self-esteem. He started the conversation with “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way.” He went on to tell me that I am afraid of standing up to my husband and this divorce issue because I lack self-confidence and there is no reason I don’t have it. He said I am a “beautiful, intelligent woman, with a good heart.” That I have a lot going for me and I need to realize that and tell David how it’s going to be and take control of my life and gain my freedom. It took everything in me to fight the tears as he spoke because I had mixed emotions going on. #1 I knew he was right, and #2 I was mad that someone saw my weakness and was calling me out on it. I can’t stand to be seen as weak in any area. The truth hurts.

He went on to tell me that God gives us opportunities and if we continue to ignore them that He will eventually pull the opportunity away. We pray for His help and need to take it when He offers. I felt like an idiot; an idiot that had just had a light bulb moment!

I could barely sleep last night as I had thoughts racing through my mind every time I woke up. I called my Mom first thing this morning and shared this with her and her first comment was “Where is this young man? I want to hug him. Finally, someone besides your family told you the truth!!!” It’s been an emotional day for me because I have realized that I am a damn good woman and I don’t have to settle for any crap from anyone. I do know exactly what I want and it’s not this marriage. I talked to my husband today and told him that I am going to file in 2 more weeks. We’re going to pay the land taxes on Monday and then have a meeting on working out the details of the divorce. I have earned this freedom. I’m going to enjoy this freedom. I’m going to start living this freedom immediately. It’s been a wonderful day!

God puts people in our lives for a reason. I know I’ll always hold this man in a special place in my heart because he was strong enough and cared enough to tell me the truth. I was in the place I was last night so I could hear this message. God chose this man to give it to me and I’ll never forget that moment when the light’s came on.

Life is good and I’m going to enjoy every moment and be happy!

Broken Heart

I have tried and tried but can't get over the fact that my husband went to see those strippers. I guess it's because I've lost 130 pounds but I'm still not enough for him that he had to go look at other women. He accidentally recorded a conversation with his daughter about my weight before I had the weight loss surgery and it was pretty ugly. So I lost the weight and then this happens. I feel like I'm not enough for him and that all my hard work was not good enough.

He is not into porn; not magazines, not videos, or titty bars. I guess that's why this has affected me like it has. I don't do it for him and I guess I never will. I know I posted that I still love him a few months ago and I guess in many ways I do but I'm tired of being hurt and neglected. Love is not enough. And it has to go both ways. My love for him is dying.


You know what the next step is and so do I.

Best Christmas Present Ever

I got the best Christmas present ever from my oldest sister this year. She took a black and white picture that was taken at Olan Mills when we were 2 & 4 years-old and blew it up and framed it. When I opened it up I just busted out crying. I saw two little girls who were best friends then and who are still best friends today. It represents the constant presense she has been in my life. And how no matter what has happened that she has been there, right beside me, just like in the picture, since the very first breath I took. She has never judged me or turned her back on me. No one knows me or understands me or has been there for me more than her. I can't explain what she means to me with just words. She is my rock! She makes me laugh and cry and will go to the ends of the earth for me and I'd do it for her too.

It may seem like a simple gift but the thoughtfulness of it blew me away. It is so precious and I'll cherish it everytime I look at it and thank God for giving me such a beautiful sister! Our relationship is what sisterhood is all about. I would wish everyone could have a sibling relationship like ours if I had a wish to grant.

I love you, Kim! I thank God for allowing me to be your sister and your best friend too.

6th Anniversary

Who would have thought I'd be happily married after 6 years. I was miserable after 2 years with my first husband. It's been almost 12 years since I met David and I still get excited when I know he's coming home from work, or when I pull in the drive after a long day and see him out by the barn! The feel of his arms around me makes me weak in the knees. I never knew true love before and am sure glad I found it while I was still young enough to enjoy it but old enough to know what it was.

It's not been an easy 6 years. He does unbelievably stupid things ( see the Grandma Again" post) sometimes but in the end I know that he truly loves me. I know I'm not perfect either so I forgive him just as I want him to forgive me. He is my port in the storm, my soft place to fall, my best friend, my lover, and my husband all rolled into one. We fight battles together. We laugh together. We cry together. We stay together.

So Happy 6th Anniversary, Herb! I love you more than my luggage. From your Peaches :)

Grandma Again!

Great news! I'm going to be a Grandma again in July! Matt and Tammy are expecting baby #2 or would it be #4?? in July. Mary will be 2 years-old so it will be perfect timing for them to be close as they grow up together. My oldest sister and I are 2 years apart and she is my #1 best friend and will always be! I hope it's another girl, although Matt wants a boy...go figure.

The rest of my life is plugging along. My husband is being a pain lately. He decided it was a good idea to go to a bachelor Party and watch 10 completely naked women dance while Isaiah sat in the truck for 2 hours. Can we say "selfish" or "bad idea" or "lousy Grandfather"????? Cranial-rectal inversion took over that day! I asked him if he died today where would he go and he replied "probably hell" so I shared the plan of salvation out of the book of Roman's with him. He didn't make any changes that day but I'm praying for him. I know the Devil wants to keep him but God wants him more and we know who will win. The Bible says the "unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife" (and vice versa) so I am praying very hard for his salvation. I have faith I will win this one despite Satan's attacks because the Bible also says "He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world." So the devil can bring it on...I have staying power to win this fight! At church on Sunday, this man who I never met before was playing the piano and spoke to me from the platform. He said "Sister in the tan jacket, I have a word from God for you. God knows your pain and He wants you to know that He has not forgotten you. He will fulfill His prophecy to you. Do you know what I'm talking about?" I nodded my head and proceeded to cry like a baby. So I know, that I know, that David will become a Christian and leave his drinking and bad ways behind him. If you believe too than please, please join me in prayer. It's going to take an Army of Christian soldiers to tear him away from the Devil but we can do it with God's help.

OK, on to other things. I get to go see my family in Indy on Dec 10-14th and can't wait! 5 days of spoiling Mary! Woo hoo!

The job is going well! I passed my 90 days so I guess I get to stay! YEAH!!!!

Time to go home now, I have a conference call for a committee meeting so need to go home to make the call. Beats driving all the way into work to attend the meeting in person!

West Nile and Blessings

A lot has happened since my last post. I still don't have a home phone so must go to the local library to access the internet. No problem though!

Our colt, Liberty, has gotten and almost recovered from West Nile. She is our miracle horse as the vet said he would have put her down. I didn't know it at the time but David was giving her one more day and then was going to end her suffering. But he went out to check on her and she was standing up in her stall after being down for almost a week. She couldn't walk for 6 days, had ground her teeth so bad that her mouth was bleeding and was so cut up from rolling around on the ground trying to stand up! But she is well on her way back. She had a bad hematoma from where we had to rig up some girt's and suspened her from the bucket on the tractor to move her back to the stall when she couldn't walk. The vet lanced it and subsquently we've given her penicillian shots and I've had to irrigate the wound and clean it out daily. We've also given her extra vitamins everyday and pampered her! She follows me around now like a dog when I go out to the pasture. She will be our baby forever and we'll never sell her to anyone! Not after all this. I think God healed her. I prayed over her everyday and left my tears running down her cheeks as I sobbed over her. It was so sad to see her just laying there suffering as she was. But God answered my prayers and raised her up! I've considered changing her name to Lazarus. She is a fighter and will be spoiled rotten the rest of her life!

Isaiah is coming along. He is "sick" today. I don't think he is a sick and he claims. He LOVES being sick as it was one of the many ways he'd get attention from his mother. We aren't playing into it and he has had to stay in his bed all day. If he's not sick he'll not pull this stunt again anytime soon! Nothing worse than laying in bed all day when you're not sick. I played sick when I was about 8 and my Mom made me stay in bed all day and I didn't try that one again! No fun!

Had a birthday party for David and his brother Walter this weekend. It was a last minute thing but it was so much fun. We just played music and had some friends over. Broke out the cards played Spades too. It was a blast!

I've certainly been blessed in the last few months. I have a fantastic job, my colt is recovering from West Nile, my son had an accident on a dirt bike and spent the night in the hospital but is fine now, and we are getting caught up on our bills. God has been working overtime in my life! I am truly blessed!!!!!

No ETA on the home phone so I'll update again as I can.