Name Change

I'm finally ready to take Daddy's name. It's been a long hard road but I know that he would be very proud of me. I've finally become the woman that he always knew I was inside. I just had to believe it for myself. Now I do. Now I'm ready to become a Mullen.

You know changing your name is a very a significant event. That's why it is typically only done when you marry. You identify yourself with a man, label yourself as being part of him, let go of your old identity. Make a statement to the world as to who you are. It's the same thing with changing my name now. I want to identify with Daddy. I know he wanted to give me his name when I was 10 but I didn't want it then. I was still too hung up on being a "Sanders" and claiming that pervert as my father that I wouldn't give Daddy a chance.

As the years have unfolded all the messages he instilled in me have been there. I may not have appeared to listen when he was lecturing me on #1) Get an education, or #39) Keep this dime between your knees [so you won't get pregnant and will always have a dime to call me to come pick you up if a boy tries to go too far], or #892) Don't have your stereo so loud, damn it! But really I was. My heart was storing it all. I slowly took the reins of my own life. I got the education, lost the dime, kept the stereo too loud, but mostly I listened. I still quote him. He had some great colloquialisms: "If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis." He was a Sargent remember!

He was with me when I graduated from college. I had one of his Military pins pinned hidden on my shirt so he could walk across the platform and accept my diploma with me. I wore his sweater to visit his grave so he could see that I finally lost the weight. He used to get so aggravated with Kim and I for stealing his clothes. Said the only thing we didn't take was his underwear! Hey, he had great taste! And now I'll take his name. I'll let the world know that the only man I feel is worthy to take his name is my Dad. He was an awesome man. Never once did he refer to me as his step-daughter. Never once. I miss him with all my heart.

So, Daddy, I know you are here and I know you know but I still want to say it, so here goes. I love you, I'm so very proud to be your daughter. I did listen and and I worked hard to get to where I am today; a college grad with a kick-ass job, a healthy weight, happy, intelligent, and confident. I know you are proud of me. I can feel it in my soul. Thank you for never giving up on me when most men would have walked away. I love you, Daddy. I miss you more than words can say. So, be paying attention because in a few weeks there will be one more Mullen under your wing.

Love you,
Lora Mullen