Loss

Today would have been my Dad's 71st birthday. I talked to him this morning even though he is no longer with us. He passed away on January 15, 2000. There is not a day that I don't think of him or miss him or usually talk about him. There will never be a day in my life when I won't miss him. I know he would be so pleased with the changes I have made in my life, would be so very proud of me. I owe a lot of how my life has turned out to Daddy. He was hard on me but he knew that is what I need. I don't need to be babied because when I am challenged that is when I dig deeper and take action.

My best friend just lost her father so that's makes this day even harder. He died on Sunday. He fought a long hard battle against cancer. But he won really; he is in heaven now. He was a very good Christian man. He loved the Lord with all his heart. He fought a good fight and never had a bad attitude about it. He was a quarterback with the Baltimore Colts in his younger years so approached his cancer like it was a football game. His doctor was his "coach" and the turns the cancer took were like quarters in a game to him. His writing about it was very moving.

He leaves behind a wife who will be lost without him, a daughter who has lost her hero, and a son who will not have a soft place to fall when life is hard for him. But as long as they love him and remember him he will never truly be gone. His hand will be on their lives forever as they will always carry him in their hearts. There will be days when they go to pick up the phone to call him only to have to put the phone back down as they remember he is not there to call anymore. They will talk and laugh about all the things he did and said and the messages he ingrained in them will always be there to draw on. It will be hard, very hard. It takes years to come to grips with but slowly the pain will change and ease. There will be good days, bad days and worse days. The first year is the hardest because you have all the firsts without him, first Christmas, first New Years, first anniversary, first football season, etc. It's 7 years now without my Dad and I am better... but I still cry. I cried this morning, I'm crying now. My heart breaks for my friend, for her Mom, for her children who have lost their grandfather, for anyone who knew Dave Loner. He will be missed deeply, truly, and always. Just like my Dad.

Say hello to my Dad, Dave and tell him I said "Happy Birthday." I love you both deeply, truly and always.

Life is sweet! Treasure everyday with your loved ones you never know when it will be their last.

East from the West

I heard a new song by Casting Crowns on the radio today. It's called "East to West" and it's about how God forgives our sins and casts them as far as the east is from the west and how even when we don't hold on to Him He holds on to us, and how the distance is really from "one scarred hand to the other". It also says how I feel that I am just one mistake away from God leaving me in the mess I am now in. I had tears streaming down my face as I listened to it. I think of what the Bible says in Isaiah 64:6 "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags." Yet He loves us just as we are. We can never be good enough but God loves us just as we are . He loves us, He loves me, unconditionally. Unconditionally. He came to earth to die for our sins, to pay a debt we could never pay. Imagine if someone came into your life and said "Let me pay for your car, your house, all your bills from this day forward." We'd want to know what the catch was....after we said YES!! Imagine that debt being paid. Yet, God paid the debt for our sins. We don't have to pay Him back. He loves us and it's a free gift. All we have to do it accept it and believe. It just blows my mind when I think of the depth's of His love for me.

Church was off the chain yesterday. We had a guest preacher again as Dr Evans is on vacation the whole month of August. The sermon was on family values and raising kids. I thought it would be OK and really didn't want to stay but I love my church and didn't want to go home either so I stayed. It had to be the best sermon I've ever heard in my life. This man is so dedicated to raising his kids in the Lord. He said there is not greater gift a father can give to his children than to pass his faith on to them. He talked about Biblical discipline and training your kids to obey as disobedience is a sin, and how if you love them you will disciple and discipline them. Women were crying and people were standing up cheering and clapping. It was an amazing sermon. He made the comment that no woman should ever settle for a man who will not be the disciple of his home and his children and that if a man can't do that then you should move on to the next man! AMEN!! I cried. That is what I want. A truly Godly man. One who will be the spiritual head of our home. If he is not a Christian forget it. I want a man who prays daily, reads his Bible daily, tithes, and attends church every Sunday! I won't settle for less! I know God has that man for me too. I think I may have met him but time will tell.

My relationship with God has grown so much. I love Him so much. I cry when I think of the love He has for me. I want to please Him everyday with how I live my life. I want to tell the world what He has done for me. I am so humbled by His love for me, so grateful for everything, for how happy I am now, for all He has helped me overcome. My cup truly runneth over.

Life is Good! God is good...all the time!

Single Life

Couldn't have been more wrong about Lee. We met to hit some golf balls and for him to give me my first lesson last weekend and he told me over dinner that there is a woman who he would ask to marry if he ever moves back to the town she lives ....... so, there's no way he is interested in me romantically. I didn't think so anyway! He is such a nice man and I truly cherish his friendship already! He makes me laugh every single time we talk or are together. We do talk at least once a day on the phone too.

Speaking of golf.....the man can hit a golf ball like nothing I've ever seen. I told him I will do my best to help him find some financial backing so he can turn pro. His average score is 68 which is what the pro's do and he can put the ball anywhere, and I do mean ANYWHERE, he wants it to go. He is AMAZING!!!!

Had a date today with a white man! Can you believe it! His name is Art and he is very, very, very nice. It was probably the nicest first date I have ever had. I truly like him and enjoyed his company. Who knows if anything will develop but time will tell! UPDATE Monday 8-13-07: The dude has more issues than Sports Illustrated. Said he couldn't be involved with me because of my childhood sexual abuse as I'll have issues pop up again.... whatever, asshole! Also because I believe what the Bible says about Jesus Christ being the only way to heaven that I am judgmental and exclude people and that everyone will go to heaven no matter what god they beleive in: Buddah, Ala, the dog, the sun, etc. He said he was a Christian but is also a Buddist, a Muslim, a Jew, etc. See...more issues than Sports Illustrated!

I am enjoying the single life and having so much fun! My son had great advice to date around and enjoy my summer and that is just what I am doing! :)

Things are great at work. I am solo now as they put my partner on another shift. Things were rough for a 2 week period but my good friend, David, had a long talk with me and told me basically to pull my head out of my ass and lead my team! So.....I did! The guys really responded to my "come to Jesus" talk with them and are performing very well! We moved up in the company wide rankings to a few percentage points above the average score which is huge as we have been at the bottom of the list since the building opened! I am pretty excited about it and plan to sustain and improve this trend!

I am officially a member of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship now! I LOVE this church, I really, really, really do! God is so good!

Life is sweet! Sweet indeed!