Beware: Not For the Faint of Heart

If anyone is reading this has a weight problem please listen; stop now! Don't gain another pound. Take control of your life now. I let my weight balloon up until I was morbidly obese. I have now lost 147.5 pounds with only 37.5 to go until I reach my goal weight. I have problems now. Big problems. What is your problem you ask? Skin! Lots and lots of extra skin. Once you have stretched the skin out that much it will never regain it's original form. The elasticity is shot! It's hanging all over my body. My problem areas are my tummy, my thighs, my breasts, my chin and the mother of them all; my arms!

The skin on my arms looks like shriveled up old hot dogs, like you cooked them in the microwave too long and they got all crapey and shriveled, almost like I was in the tub too long! If I would have had a glimpse of my body now while I in the beginning stages of being on the way up maybe I wouldn't have gained all the weight. I can't describe how much my arms disgust me. I want to wear cute sleeveless, cap sleeve, and short sleeve shirts and dresses but I can't. My arms limit my wardrobe as I have to wear sleeves to the elbow or 3/4 length sleeves only. Not until I pay about $3000 and have them done will I be able to show them. I don't have $3000 right now. Maybe next year. The skin even hangs over my elbow when my arms are at my sides.

These pics are not for the faint at heart but if they stop someone from gaining weight then they are worth it. The plastic surgeon told me he will have to cut me from the armpit to my elbow to repair them they are so bad. It makes me want to cry to look at them. I am very happy I lost the weight but the toll the extra weight had on my body is still here.

Curve Ball

Don't ya hate it when life throws you a curve ball? Kirk and I were so excited to finally get to see each other this weekend. Well, guess what? Yep, we don't get to see each other this weekend. He is the guardian of his grandmother as both his parents have passed away. He is an only child himself. She is 95 years-old, has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home in Baltimore and fell and broke her hip today. They wanted him to make a decision about how far to go to keep her alive if the surgery goes bad. He refuses to make that decision via telephone so is flying up tomorrow to be there and access the situation himself.

He and I talked for quite a while tonight (air time...yeah!) and made plans for Easter weekend depending on what happens with Grandma. He's had so much on his plate lately and is really tired from all of the stress. So if you pray please say a prayer for him and his grandmother. He is such a wonderful man; kind, caring, thoughtful, loving, strong, intelligent, amazing.....I could go on all day. It would be nice for him to get a break from all the stress for a while. I miss him terribly as the last time we saw each other was the morning of March 5th. It's been a loooooong time, way too long. Long distance dating sucks. I dated a man who lives 30 minutes from me for 2 months and have seen Kirk who lives 4 1/2 hours from me more in the almost 3 months we've been dating than the 2 months I was with the other guy. Funny how you find the one you love and it's completely inconvenient to get together but you don't care. I would drive 8 hours to see Kirk. He's worth it.

One of my friends looked at Kirk's pic on my desktop at work last night and said "Look at you, Lora. Did you ever think you would date a man like him? He is so powerful and successful. A year ago you could have attracted him but never could have kept a man like him. I'm so proud of all the changes you've made." He's right, I never could have kept him. I'm proud of me too.

Here's the pic he was referring to. That's my man in the center stage! A conductor! Imagine that!

Please don't forget to pray for Kirk to have strength and also to have wisdom in his decision making, and for God's will in his grandmothers life. Thanks!

Simplicity Patterns

Who in the hell do they measure when they make a pattern? Not real people that's for sure. I'm making an Easter dress for my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter Mary. This is her, sweet little angel!



Mary is very tall for her age but if I make the dress according to a size 3, which she is, it will drag the floor. I used the size 3 bodice piece and the size 3 collar but they don't match at all. The collar is 1 1/2" too small. What the f*#&??? I am an experienced seamstress. I've sewn for weddings. I know what I'm doing! Damn it! Now I have to cut a new collar and redo it. It's got eyelet all around it so it's not a simple fix. Here's the dress. I'm making it in lavender gingham.


I need to send them a sternly worded email......think they will listen? Me either. Rat bastards!

Air Time

Kirk's rides went well this weekend. He had a 60 mile practice ride on Saturday and a 40 mile on Sunday. He is sore but did well! I am so proud of him and told him so. He is doing the BP MS150, http://www.ms150.org/ms150/it's a 150 mile bicycle ride next month from Houston to Austin to benefit MS research. He is doing this as a way on honoring a man in his past who gave him a helping hand that has MS. I think it shows his character to do something like this to support a cause he believes in and also his level of commitment to things he cares about. What a great man I have!

Normally when he calls we talk 6-15 minutes on the average. He's not a phone guy. We talked Saturday for almost 1/2 an hour and on Sunday for a full 30 minutes, he then called back at 12:15 a.m. and again at 6:30 a.m. this morning! WOW! This is the kind of communication I want. It started out that way and then slacked off. (Could be because of my slight depressed jag; wasn't a lot of fun for those 2 weeks.) I have a friend that I met on the same website I met Kirk on that lives in Colorado. He calls and we talk for an hour about everything. He is a great guy, but just a friend. He is respectful and interesting and never pressed for more than friendship so I'm comfortable with it. Anyway, I digress....I wish Kirk would talk for an hour! We are compatible on soooooooo many levels and when we are together we talk but he's just not a phone guy. Can't have everything! Kirk is an "I Love Lucy" fan, He has season 1 on DVD and I have 2, 3, & 5. Kirk just bought the first season of the 2nd greatest show on earth "The Dick Van Dyke Show" which more than covers the phone time issue! Honestly, how many men do you know that love both of those shows....which are my favorite 2 shows on earth! A match made in heaven! The spelling of my name came from that show. Mom read it in TV Guide listing while she was pregnant with me and liked the spelling. There is also a writer or something on the show named Marjorie Mullen, which is my Mom's name. So I have a connection to the show that is rather cool!

Anyway...I can live with little phone time. Relationships are all a compromise and we have to decide which are deal breakers and which are not. Phone time is not! I Love Lucy.... could be!

Random Drug Testing at the Gym

I was at the gym today doing my 40 minutes on the elliptical machine. This older chick comes in. She gets on an elliptical 2 down from me. She had some clothes on that looks like she should be gardening. She had a CD player held together with 2 big giant rubber bands. She had a towel that I swear was used my Noah on the Ark....dingy doesn't scratch the surface. She places her feet on the platforms and began at a pace that Olympic runners would be hard pressed to keep up with. The impressive thing was that she continued that pace and never slowed down once. I chuckled and then I laughed and laughed some more. Every time I looked over at her I laughed. She was a riot! I think they should do random drug testing at the gym. Sister girl was on something. I have no idea what she had in that damn CD player but I need a copy of it.

Brain Delay

How long does it take for the brain to catch up to the body? I still see the obese Lora when I look in the mirror yet when I catch my reflection in a store window I am shocked at how great I look now. I need to post a new pic as I am down 2 sizes from my "after" picture now. I began exercising on 1-2-07 and the change in my body is amazing. I can now feel bones I haven't felt for years and years! I have a waist. I can feel my spine and I don't have to press down to do it. I have defined ankle bones. My collar bone actually protrudes now. So why do I still feel fat? My today's standards I am but by my own I'm fine. If I saw me I would think I look great.... but I don't.

My roomie told me that her Mom and her Mom's friend were looking at me at the party last Saturday and said "Lora is a beautiful woman. She is stunningly attractive and looks so good now." (I only have 3.5 pounds to go to the 150 total loss mark!!!!) Kirk tells me I have "classic beauty, the kind sculptors look for!" Glad he thinks so!!! One of my best male friends tells me I am a "very attractive woman; the kind of woman that any man would want." But I don't see it. I know I'm not ugly but I don't think I'm all that. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a conceited bitch but I would like to feel pretty. Will I ever?

My sister sent me some clothes and in the package is a beautiful black dress, off the shoulder, a cowl like look across the back neckline, with a modified handkerchief hem, almost down to the ankle. My neck, shoulders and back have turned out to be my best feature so the off the shoulder style is a good one for me. I was amazed when I tried it on. I looked like a princess. It's a beautiful dress. I now have something to wear to the symphony with Kirk. I hope that I feel beautiful when I put it on to go out with him.

Praise and Worship

Praise and worship music is amazing. In the midst of my depressed state I reached out to God and guess what? He was there. I reconnected with Him and and am amazed, once again, at the depths of His love. He is always there. I found this song again and have always loved it. It speaks to my soul. When I hear it the tears stream down my face as I think of how much I love our Father and all He's done for me. I stand in awe.

I Stand in Awe by Mark Altrogge © 1988, 1997 PDI Music, Used by Permission.
All Rights Reserved

You are beautiful beyond description, Too marvelous for words, Too wonderful for comprehension, Like nothing ever seen or heard. Who can grasp your infinite wisdom? Who can fathom the depth of your love? You are beautiful beyond description, Majesty enthroned above.

(Chorus)
And I stand, I stand in awe of you. I stand, I stand in awe of you. Holy God, to
whom all praise is due, I stand in awe of you.

LIFE IS SWEET....once again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEW WORDS FOR 2007

I'm guility of 11, 13 and 17. And I know several 15's! Too funny! Enjoy!

***********************
NEW WORDS FOR 2007 :Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!

1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY : Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. (Often I feel like doing this, -- Believe it or not, it works about 50% of the time.)

14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks.

19. CROP DUSTING : Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm

Life Sucks

Life is no longer sweet for me. I don't know what happened, or when, but I'm not a happy camper right now. I want it back.....NOW!!!

I am still not feeling well. Maybe that's a big part of it. I can't hear fully out of my left ear. I hear muted whistling when I listen to music...that sucks. Called the doc again.

I don't know where my future is going and I think that is a large part of it. Am I moving out of Kim's place? Am I staying here? I have no furniture. I need a new car or at least to get this one fixed. I owe taxes. I need $2000 for my tummy tuck, which BTW I just called and surprise surprise the insurance company has not received a request for it from my doctor who submitted it over a month ago. Whatever! Oh well, gives me more time to save. Speaking of I should have had about $4000 by now....what do I have $0. Where the hell does the money go?

Pressure, too much freaking pressure. I knew the initial high of the divorce would wear off eventually but it wore off too soon. Where is the happy, confident Lora? She slid into a dark abyss and I want her back. I have cried everyday for 2 weeks straight. Why? I have no idea. Exercise is supposed to release endorphins that elevate your mood. So where are mine? On freaking vacation?

Pray for me to find the happy Lora again...fast. I need her back!

Addendum: Just as I finished this I began to pray and God laid these verses on my heart Isaiah 61: 1-3 the part that speaks to me is this "to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." I believe what the Bible says about Satan, that he is out "seeking those he can destroy". I believe that God has something big in store for me and if Satan can attack me then it will take my focus off what God has for me and I won't be able to receive the blessings if I'm home crying my eyes out. How can I function when I have a spirit of despair? No more Satan. I rebuke you in the name of Jesus and claim my garment of praise. That's good stuff right there! Praise the Lord for His infinite wisdom, His love for us and His mercy. He gave us the Bible as an instruction manual for life. When life gives us problems we need to read it!

OK......Life is sweet again....not completely but I'm working on it!

God is good!

The Power of Forgiveness

Isn't it funny how a random conversation with someone will cause you to have a light bulb moment. That happened last night at work. It was 3:00 a.m. and I was in a big hurry to go home. I normally leave about 2:15-2:30 but my partner is on vacation so everything is on my shoulders this week and we had a particularly bad night. I knew I had to be up by 9:00 in order to make it to court on time. I have an hour's drive home. I wanted to get out of there...bad!

The security guard asked if I was taking my maiden name back and I told him no that it was my step-fathers name and he asked why. When you're exhausted you tend to let your guard down so I just told him the whole sordid tale. I told him how my biological father molested me until I was 10 years-old, how the monster got to my boys as well because I didn't realize it was him until I was 28 and then it was too late to save my own children from his hands. I told him how that had colored every male relationship in my life up until now. I told him that one of my biological father's former girlfriends found a video tape of him filming a man and a teenage boy having sex and called my sister to tell her about it. The woman had a teenage son so needless to say she ended her relationship with the monster.

I told the security guard how my step-dad, Daddy, as I call him, never once called me his "step" daughter. I was simply his daughter. He believed in me. He saw my potential. He encouraged me. He preached at me. He drove me to be better. I was stubborn. It took years for the lessons to sink in. Why? Because of the abuse. Abuse takes its toll. Big time. It robs you of your own growth and can destroy you... if you let it.

I told him that I had forgiven my biological father because I had to. By forgiving him I release the power he had over my life. He can no longer control me because I will not act out of fear or hurt or betrayal anymore. As I was telling him this I realized that all the positive changes in my life began the day I forgave. That is very powerful. More powerful than the horrible things I suffered. I have never been controlled by him since. I act out of the power in me, the power to be anything I want. To do anything I want. To be who I was born to be.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Now....I need to teach this to others. I'm going to start looking into programs to reach out to women who have gone through what I have and share my story with them. The abuse stopped with me. The healing will begin with me.

Life is Sweet!

It's Official but Not Yet Legal

I went into work yesterday and was checking email. I hit "reply all" to an email regarding a committee I am on. Then in the corner of my screen the Outlook email notifier pops up that I have a new email from Lora.Mullen. I pop back over to the main screen and look and there it is... all my emails say Lora.Mullen!! No more Lora.Flake! You have no idea the sheer joy that I felt!

My name change won't be legal until this Thursday but I put in the request to change it at work last week. Since I work for a huge corporation, and put in the request for the 16th, I assumed it would take at least that long. We are not only huge we are efficient! No wonder we rock! :)

I think there is a great deal of significance in the fact that the name change was completed on the anniversary of my weight loss surgery. The day that started all the changes in my life is the same day that I professionally and publicly assumed Daddy's name. God is good.

Life is Sweet.

Anniversary

Today is the 4 year anniversary of my weight loss surgery. My life started over again in many ways on that day. It was the beginning of me finding who I really am. The Lora that was buried behind all that fat. I chose to have the surgery to find myself and I did it. It's been a long hard struggle...and I'm not done yet....but so far I'm pretty darn happy with how my life has turned out.

I met a lady today and told her a little of my story. She is a women's advocate and asked me if I would be a guest speaker at one of her events for battered/abused women. I told her I would be honored. I didn't do all this hard work to keep my success to myself. If I can help just one other woman overcome an abusive past then it was all worth it. I have survived incest at the hands of my biological father as well as two verbally and emotionally abusive marriages and even a physical attack by the 2nd husband but I valued myself enough to get out of those situations. And I'll be damned if I let my biological father control me with what he did. I have forgiven him and moved on. I want nothing to do with him but I have given myself the gift of forgiving him. I had to.

My life is pretty close to perfect! I may not have a house of my own, or even a cookie sheet for that matter. But all that is just stuff and I can get more stuff. To find out who I am and like myself and have the confidence that I can do any damn thing I want is a treasure!

Divorce: $300
WLS: $25,000
Confidence in myself: Priceless

Life is Sweet!

Luck of the Irish

I do have Irish in me. My grandmother's maiden name was McQuiston...that's pretty Irish. Today I had the luck of the Irish.

My check engine light has been on since June of last year. It goes off once in a blue moon. Texas is a vehicle state inspection state. You can't pass inspection with a check engine light on. Houston, we have a problem. What's a girl to do? Well, last night I went to see my friend David's house. Which by the way is beautiful; 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, huge kitchen, his closet is bigger than my bedroom...for real! Anyway, the engine light went out on my way down and stayed off the whole way home. My inspection is due this month so I raced over to a garage this morning to have the inspection done and as the guy is finishing up he calls me over. "Shit" was my first thought. But it was OK. He tells me my gas cap is bad and I need a new one and he just happened to have one for the low, low price of $12.50. Stacking em deep, and selling em cheap! Low and behold he doesn't have any in my size so I paid him the $39.95 for the inspection and left. As I'm leaving the damn check engine light comes back on. I just happen to have electrical tape in the car so I put some over the light, what you can't see you can't ding me for! I go get the cap and come back and hand it to him. He takes it out of the package and tested just it. Never got in the car again so the tape trick was unnecessary! He put the sticker on my windshield and I bolted! Guess what? The light went out a little later and is still off. Say a prayer and throw some Holy Water in my direction that it will stay out.

Second lucky item of the day: Since my ex refused to sign the damn divorce papers for so freaking long I had to file my taxes as "Married but separate" as the divorce wasn't final until January. Rat bastard! When you file that way you can't deduct your student loan interest and only one of you can itemize. I did my taxes online through the Turbo Tax site and it showed I owed over $2000. Big rat bastard! I called my former tax lady and asked her to work her magic. She did my taxes today and I am getting away with only owing $855! Woo Hoo! Way, way, way better than $2000 plus! Whew! She said my ex has called but hasn't come in yet so if I get mine mailed in first he won't be able to itemize as only one can do that when you file married but separate. I have already changed my filing status at work so should break even next year. Taxes suck! Beats living in a 3rd world county though...way better than that!

So, I've had a very lucky day! Hit a new low on the scale this morning too! The weight is coming off. I'm doing what Kirk told me to try. He lost 80+ pounds with this method so I'm using it to get the rest of my weight off. 30 minutes on the elliptical in the Weight Loss/Fat Burning zone 5 days a week. It's getting so easy but yet I sweat like a pig, my entire head is dripping sweat when I'm done but it feels so easy. He said it will raise my metabolism and burn fat. I actually have to slow myself down. Who'da thunk it? After 30 days he's going to give me some toning exercises to do as I am one giant marshmallow from losing so much weight. But I feel bones I haven't felt in years! It's totally cool!!

Life is Sweet!

"Before" and "New & Improved"

My beautiful older sister sent me her before and after pics today. She's lost 50 pounds and looks simply gorgeous! I am so proud of her. She will get a little heavy but then quickly reels it back in. Unlike me who got super-morbidly obese before I was able to reel it in.

She inspired me to post my own before and after pics. So here they are:

Before: one VERY unhappy woman-----------------------------------------------------------------------After: 142 pounds lighter!!!

.......................................

I was so upset someone was taking my picture in the before shot, I'm glad they did now as I have a comparison. I still have those jeans and can get both of my legs into one leg of them now! I am actually one size smaller now than I am in the after shot. I just donated those jeans to Good Will as they were falling off of me!

Only 28 pounds to go until my goal and hopefully I'll lose another 15 with the Tummy Tuck and then I'll be done. I'll still be a big girl but that's OK! As long as I'm not super-morbidly obese then life is good!

Life is sweet! (see why I say that all the time!)

Galveston, oh Galveston....

The Gulf of Mexico .......... and the Happy Couple!
Our first time together at Galveston!


Can't help but think of the Glen Campbell song when I say Galveston. Can't stand Glen Campbell but Galveston rocks! Kirk took me to Galveston this weekend. We had a WONDERFUL time! We walked on the beach but only for a few minutes as it was pretty darn windy and cold! I picked up a few sea shells as a memento of our first trip to Galveston. We walked The Strand hand-in-hand and then ate at Willie G's. I had oysters for the first time in my life and they were "off the chain"! Never, ever, ever, ever thought I would like them but....I did! Why would a slimy little raw fish taste good? But it did! When we got back to his house I picked up the Sunday paper and a headline caught my eye "Tainted Oysters in Texas". I said "Uh Oh" and he asked what was wrong. I read the article and turns out they were from San Antonio Bay and were shipped to Maryland so we were OK. We both got a good laugh out of it though. My first time eating oysters and I get sick...that would not have been fun and I guarantee I never would have eaten them again!

Life is Sweet!!

Ipod - Greatest Invention of All Time

I decided I wanted an Ipod last Christmas and was chatting with my sis as I was heading to Target to buy one. Just a Nano, nothing fancy when she tells me my niece is selling her 60GB video Ipod for $250. Hang up! Call Michelle....fast! Sold! I am now the proud owner of this sweet piece of electronic heaven! Never in my life have I enjoyed any material object more than this Ipod. Never! Hands down! No comparison!

Why you ask? Several reasons; #1) I love music! Always have. Always will. When my parents divorced my Mom would take a few dollars and go buy us one or two 45's on the weekends we were home with her and she would put them on and we'd dance in the living room. Those memories are precious to me. We were free. Free from the anger and abuse and underlying tension that my biological father brought to the house. We had so much fun. Music takes away pain, fear, darkness and brings light and freedom to my life. It can take me back in time or soothe me after a hard day! Music is off the chain! I have noticed that when I listen to music and keep the TV off I don't have problems with being depressed either. Major revelation.

#2) You can get ANY song you want on Itunes. Songs that I haven't listened to in years! I just downloaded "The Very Best of Kool & The Gang". Jungle Boogie, Celebration, Ladies Night! I had these songs on 33 1/3 LP's in high school and they are long gone! Now I have them again, right at my finger tips to listen to any time I want. I know everyone thinks the music they listened to in high school was the best.....humor me.....it really was. The music of the 70's was real. The artists performed, they truly played the instruments, they really sang. Not like today's stuff where the dude with his pants hanging half off his ass, holding his crotch, with a drum machine going and a dude high on weed scratches an LP in the back ground, shouts at you. Do you know why rap "artists" are so angry? They can't sing, that's why! That would piss me off too!

I currently have 1032 songs on my Ipod, 2.8 days worth of music, 257 photos, and 11 videos and still have 50.84 GB's of free space. This thing rocks! It goes where I go! In the car, in the house, in to work, to Kirk's. Everywhere! Speaking of, my love for the Ipod influenced him to buy one and he's enjoying it as much as I do! Sweet!

Ipod's are off the chain!

Life is Sweet!

P.S. Today is the 2 month anniversary of the day Kirk and I first met! He told me today that I am the love of his life. Guess what? He's mine too! I told my Mom a few years ago that my ex was the love of my life and she told me she thought to herself that I needed to raise my standards. I laugh, out loud, everytime I think of that! Mom's have a way of being right don't they! She truly was right. I did and look at me now! I gotta say it again: Life is Sweet!!!