Changes

This is the sum view of my vacation. Yep, those are my feet! I was laying on the beach thinking about how great life is when I picked up the camera and took this shot. Everyone should go on a vacation like this at least once in their life time. I've made the decision that I will take such a vacation....a REAL vacation....once a year! It was amazing! We flew in the Cancun, Mexico airport on Mother's Day and spent the next 5 days and 4 nights being pampered and enjoying life to the fullest! We had spa treatments; I went for the Hot Stone Massage (heaven on earth),went snorkling, explored the Mayan Ruins, shopping in Playa del Carmen where Kim, Nancy and I had our hair braided and the poor woman was exhausted because my hair is so thick! It was cute but man does it hurt to take it out! I had the time of my life on this vacation!!!


While on the massage table I made a decision to take control of my life and end this relationship with Kirk. I got back on Friday and called him Saturday, no return call, he logged onto Yahoo IM on Sunday and I was on the PC as well so shot him a message and told him he needed to call me. He did. I told him that I can't do this anymore. We have seen each other only one time in the last 10 weeks. That is not even a casual relationship. Of course he gave me the the "it's not you it's me" speech. But I already knew that. Said he didn't have balance in his life and didn't mean to hurt me. But he did. So, I am moving on. If we can make time to see each other then great, if not, it's OK. I want to wait on him but I know what will happen if I do....I'll be waiting forever. I am a damn good woman with a heart of gold. I deserve a good man who will put me first. I refuse to make someone a priority in my life when I am just an option in his!

So....he's been calling, and IM'ing again! Telling me he loves me, he misses me, etc. Damn his ass! Why do men play these games? Is it the thrill of the chase? Are they just cruel my nature? Or is he just fucked up? I will not lump all men in the same category as him but it would be really easy to. It hurts, I'm still crying as I still have feelings for him. I want him to realize what he has in me but my head tells me that won't happen. I need to move on. I turned my phone off last night so he couldn't make the 5:00 a.m. call to me to tell he how much he's thinking of me. He needs to get my voice mail. I need to get my sleep. He called again today, as usual, and like an idiot I answered the phone. He said he can't find another woman because none compare to me. Well, hell, I knew that! haha Why didn't he tell me that shit when before I broke up with him? I just don't understand, if he really thinks I am so great then why isn't he doing everything in his power to get me back? MEN!!!

So, I'm taking my precious son's advice. David told me (and I quote) "Mom, kick his ass to the curb. This is the time of your life and you dont' have time for his shit. Play the field. This is summer and you should have a good time, date around and don't tie yourself down to one man. You are a catch, Mom. Enjoy yourself!" Now with advice like that how could I not take it. And I know my son has my best interest at heart!

So look out Summer of 2007....here I come!

Holy Shit....I can shop from the Misses Department!

No more "Women's Sizes" for me! I can actually shop from the "Misses" department! I went shopping Saturday night for the trip and bought a shirt off the regular size racks! I was almost in tears! It felt so good! I was in Dillard's a high-end department store in the mall and found a cute "Emma Sams" t-shirt. I tell you all those weeks on that damn elliptical have paid off. I went 6 days a week for 4 weeks straight and have backed down to 4-5 days a week now but increased my intensity level. Results:

1)I can see the tendons in my feet again....been buried for 26 years!
2)I can feel and actually see my hip bones protruding when I lay down.... again 26 years!
3)I can feel the bones in my spine without putting pressure on them....yep, 26 years!
4)When sitting in the car I can put my thumb on my belly and stretch my fingers as far as possible and still not touch the steering wheel...156 pounds ago my belly rubbed the steering wheel!
5) I'm back down to a size 18....you guessed it 26 long fat years!

Here's the secret to the elliptical according to Kyle the Masochist...I mean Personal Trainer. Don't hang on. I asked him what the arm's are for if not to exercise my arms and and he said "No. Do not hang on. When you don't hang on you are forcing your body to work harder to balance yourself and using more muscles. Therefore, you get a better work out." I also have to keep my feet straight, belly button in, shoulders back, chest out, head up! Concentrate on all that and it's a work out. I sweat like a dog in a Chinese restaurant! When I hang on my heart rate drops about 8-10 points, let go and it shoots back up, so Kyle is correct. I can't believe how much I have toned up in just a few weeks of this! Huge difference!

I'm Superman!

Took a quiz.....click here to take it yourself....it says I am 85% Superman. Came in 82% with Wonder Woman....I would much rather be her...she's hot!

Update

I'm down another size! Went shopping for the trip(click on the link that reads Paraiso Lindo to see where we are staying) and gathered up several pairs of shorts and capris and headed to the dressing room. Tried on each pair and they were all too big! I had to go down to an 18! I'm back in the teens! WOO HOO!! I smiled so big my face almost broke! I started this journey in a 34W, I'm down 8 sizes! Only 2 more to go and I'll be done!

I hired a personal trainer. It was expensive. It's painful. He makes me do the simplest looking things but they hurt like hell. I sweat like a pig. My butt hurts. I can barely lift my arms above my head. I PAY FOR THIS? But....I love it! It's all about me. For the first time in my life I can do things that are just for me, I can afford it, I don't feel guilty, and I enjoy it. I worked hard to get to this point in my life and I'm loving it!

My depression is much better. I have spent lots of time in prayer, almost constantly on some days. I'm reading Joyce Meyer's best-seller "Battlefield of the Mind" which I highly recommend. One of my favorite quotes is by Normal Vincent Peale "Change your thoughts and you change your world." That's basically what this book teaches but it goes deeper to reveal how Satan will work to control your mind and thus control you through negative tapes we play over and over to bring us down. As children of God we are privileged and have the awesome blessing of peace in our lives, we can enter God's rest, if we line our thoughts up with those of Christ. It's not easy to do and the devil will fight you every step. But the victory has already been won and we can do it if we are strong enough to weather the battle. I'm not Catholic but I am calling on St Michael to defend me. I say a prayer to him to defend me every night and sleep with a St Michael medal around my neck. I'm much more peaceful than I was. My sister does this also, and where I got the idea. She had some paranormal disturbances in her house and hasn't had any trouble since she started doing this. I don't think people in America believe how powerful Satan is. The Bible says in John 10:10 "The thief [Satan] comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." He won't destroy me!

So, life is back to being good for me again. It was a short episode this time, harder than any have been before it, but I had the tools and resources to pull out of it much faster. God is good all the time. He has blessed with some of the best friends any one could ever hope for. I am stronger than I have ever been. I am happier than I have ever been. My life is wonderful. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Life is Sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!