The Preacher Formerly Know as Prince

Even though I was sick as a dog with bronchitis I still went to church Sunday. I went to brunch first with Kim, Kelly, their friends Ron and John, Kim's Mom Nancy, her friends Sherry and Trish. Trish was in charge of picking out the church as none of us attend one on a regular basis--(This is an important fact that you need to remember for later in the story.) Trish has been to some mega church with a branch in Downtown Dallas so we went there. Apparently they have branches in Grapevine, a few other Metroplex cities, as well as Miami.

We see a homeless family get turned away at the front door. Not good! We go on in and sit down and listen to the music, full band with brass and everything. Pretty good. The music is over and the preacher was beamed in via satelitte to a huge video screen at the front of the church. He looks like he just stepped off the set of either the Wiggles, the Teletubbies or possibly he was an understudy for the Joker in the latest Batman flick. He is wearing the biggest tie you've ever seen, it was clown proportion. His jacket is purple. He has to shop at Prince's garage sale! Not only is it purple, it's purple velvet, with....get this....a neon lime green lining that he showed us twice! YIKES!!! The basis of his sermon is the "Stairs of Heaven". Says that God carried Jesus down the stairs of heaven on Christmas morning and compared it to us being on a stair master but never getting anywhere. None of us got what he was trying to say. Anyway, the preacher formerly know as Prince is done and the video screen is raised into the ceiling as a dude who looks like he hasn't had a bath in a week or two is speaking in the mic telling us that we are going to light candles and that the person at the end of the row is the "Candle Captain". Trish was our Candle Captain. Trish wanted to leave then. Trish did. She bolted for the door and the rest of us followed. Nancy says to Kim "She can't leave. She's our Candle Captain." The lady on the other side of Kelly had no candle. Kelly was looking to me to give her a candle but with no Candle Captain we didn't have any. Kelly looked at the lady and apologized and bolted with the rest of us!

Trish is pretty upset over the homeless family so she has cornered a church member in the lobbby as Kelly went to get the car and is giving him the 3rd degree about why they would turn away a homeless family, with an infant I might add, on Christmas Eve. He says that they come there all the time and he told them where to go for help. Isn't a church where you are supposed to go for help? We though so! Anyway, we get in the car and Kim says "Trish, next year you're in charge of the jello mold. We don't care what flavor you bring either. You failed at picking out a church and shirked your duties as Candle Captain."

See why I am having such a great time! This group is a riot!!