Sad

Sad does not scratch the surface of how I feel right now. I wanted to see Kirk so badly. He said I could come tomorrow to watch him sleep but I won't. Not unless he calls Saturday morning and is feeling much, much better. Kim and I prayed for him to be healed. He did go to the doc and get some antibiotics. I may go Sunday depending on how he's feeling. I really need to see him. It's been too fucking long. He got this from some kid at school who coughed in his face, he is furious. Not only is he sick, he is missing his training and organized ride Saturday, but we can't see each other this weekend. This really sucks..... big donkey ones. I know in the grand scheme of things it may not seem a big deal but imagine you couldn't see your husband or boyfriend or child or someone you love from now until May 7th. That's a fucking long time! It will be even longer if he doesn't feel better by Sunday. It will be almost 6 weeks if we have to wait until next weekend. I am devastated. I truly am. I am angry at God for allowing him to be sick. I am hurt. I am upset. I am mad. I am fucking mad. I have been through so much hurt and pain and don't understand why I can't have a little happiness and joy for a change. I know I'm whining and having a pity party but damn it, enough is enough already.