Changes

I have uncovered the root of my recent round with depression....the weight loss. I went to my doctor today and she said this is VERY common with gastric bypass patients. We lose the weight and then we don't know who we are anymore. I'm not fat anymore so I don't have that shield of amour and my coping mechanism, i.e. food, is gone. I look in the mirror and I see a thin woman looking back at me. It's no freaking wonder I'm depressed. I need to learn a new coping skill.

I've had a lot of life changes lately; the divorce, the move, the additional responsibilities and increased presence at work, falling in love with Kirk, and now the additional weight loss. All big hitters but to happen within just a 7 month time frame is a lot. No wonder I crashed. My roommate knew it was all tied to the weight loss, I had no clue! I thought I was wigging out because of Kirk but nope, that's not it! At all!

My doc's husband is a peer to Kirk, they may not know each other but they are very similar in their careers. Both were college level orchestra instructors who are now teaching at high school level, both are very involved in their careers and both have the same "artsy personality", as she called it. She told me some things about her husband and how he is that shed so much light on Kirk that I was amazed. She said artsy people need wiggle room and that this is the busiest time of the year for them. She said her husband would go 3 days without calling and they lived in the same city so she would show up at his apartment and he'd say he was busy and had no time for her. He still loved her but she was hurt. Obviously it worked out as they are married and have 2 children now. I had no clue. Kirk said he was busy and stressed but he never explained why in any great detail. He told me a little but not much. As I have always been involved with men with low-end, low expectation jobs I had no clue about how demanding his job is. Now I know. All I needed was knowledge. Now I understand and can be supportive of him. I'd don't do well with ambiguity. I need to know what's going to happen a year from now. Kirk handles it very well. I asked him to be patient with me and he said that he would. I hope I didn't blow it with him. I don't think that I did. It all takes time, time to get to know each other and time to let the relationship grow.

So it's been a great day. I'm learning more about myself and moving forward.

Life is sweet!