Love

There is no feeling in the world like new love. Your feet don't touch the ground, the birds sing prettier, the sun shines brighter, you smile at strangers, your thoughts are consumed by the other person. You live and breathe to hear their voice, to feel their arms around you, just to see them makes your whole day better. When we are young we think that new love is what it will always feel like. Then we grow up. We get hurt. We let our walls build up. We get divorced. We add reinforcements to those walls. We get bitter. We guard our hearts. We don't love like we did pre hurt.

I don't know about you but I want to be able to love like that again. I think I'm pretty close to it this time because I know Kirk is not even close to the category that both of my ex's fall in. I am tying with all my might to look at him as Kirk; an incredible man. He truly is like no man I've ever loved before. I know you may think "yeah, yeah, sure, whatever, Lora!" But remember all the growth and change and pain I've been through. It wasn't all for naught! I truly have learned. I have my eyes wide open and feel I am a good judge of character....now!

I knew the day I married my ex that he was not the one for me. But not a lot of men were lining up to marry a 4oo pound woman so I did it. Sue me! He knew I was too good for him, those were his words not mine. I'll never doubt that he loved me as much as he could. He just didn't know how to deal with a woman like me; dreams, goals, intelligence, and a perseverance to obtain everything out of life that I can. He was happy sitting under a tree, drinking, barbecuing on a homemade grill while watching friends play cards. I want more out of life. I wanted symphonies, theater, travel, good wine, all night long conversation. Passion!

A good friend summed it up for me. He said to not feel bad about 2 failed marriages. He said they are the pre-games that got me ready for the SuperBowl! Kirk is my SuperBowl. I don't feel bad about them as I learned everything I could about love and life from them. They helped make me who I am today. I watched "Little Miss Sunshine" yesterday and there is a scene when the brother played by Steve Carrell is talking to the son played by Paul Dano and the son says he wants to sleep until high school is over because it sucks. The brother tells him that the best things come from suffering. I couldn't agree more. I am the best I can be today because of the suffering I endured in my life up to this point. I wouldn't change a thing! Even having to move in here with Kim has gotten me ready for Kirk. (NOTE: This has not been suffering. I've had more fun in the last 6 months than the rest of my life combined!!) Kim taught me about sushi and Central Market and good food and high class people (ref: "Doctors and Lawyers and Judges Oh My" post). Kirk took me for sushi in Houston a few weeks ago and as we were eating he said "I can't believe it. You like sushi and you know how to drive [aggressively]. You're the woman of my dreams." If not for Kim I would know nothing about sushi! Thanks, Girlfriend!

So, I'm trying to love like I have nothing to lose. It's hard but I want it more than I want to guard my heart. I want to experience all the joys of new love and if I keep those walls up it will not happen. Someone very dear to me told me she is struggling with a loss of love for her husband. She's been through so much pain in her life. So many disappointments and he has disappointed her in a big way. It makes me sad as she is awesome, she loves like no body else, she cares like no body else and he is an idiot to even let this happen. He needs to realize the jewel he has in her and do whatever he can to help her recapture those feelings. He will be a sorry man if he loses her. I want her to love him like it's a new love all over again. There's no feeling like it.

Life is Sweet!

P.S. Feeling much better and will be going to work tonight. Plans are in the works to see Kirk this weekend! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have I mentioned how incredible he is? :) I'm a lucky woman and he is a lucky man!